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The Ten Commandments

Your favorite hymn

Twenty women you know who are certainly whores

The Preamble to the Declaration of Independence, but, you know, how they originally meant it

Five gross things about gay people

The Lord’s Prayer

Fun punishments for abortionists in the afterlife

The Second Amendment

LOCK HER UP, LOCK HER UP, LOCK HER UP, LOCK HER UP

Names of angels

Facts about milk

The National Anthem

Three ‘Hail Marys’

(If no one else is in the bathroom) “Don’t Stop me Now” by Queen

Cast and credits of Birth of a Nation

Names of confederate generals

Animals in order they entered Noah’s Ark

Countries you wish we would just bomb, already

Foods like quesadillas that are way too spicy

Sins committed in your presence this week

Books you would ban

Cardinals who play the right way, Catholic or St. Louis

Members of the 700 Club

Peyton Manning audibles

Questions you wish you could ask the blacks

Places in Real America

Zach Straus

Zach Straus peaked at 15 and is mostly held together by masking tape.

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