Ugh, 2017. THE.WORST. amirite? But don’t panic. If past is prologue, then we’ll be totally fine. Right? Just ask the dinos from 66 million B.C.

Todd Guberman is deleting his Facebook. For real this time. We reflect on the impact his profile pics leave on the art world. We’ll miss you, Todd.

Pumpkin spice? Here? NOW?! No thank you! How can it possibly be delicious when it’s all orange and spicy and SPOOKY? BLARGH!

If you have already applied for a time-travel passport, but changes to the timeline wiped that application from existence, you will have to reapply. We apologize for the inconvenience.

You know what’s hotter than being hot? Being completely unknown. Some celebrity crushes—like Banksy, the Zodiac Killer, and the Monster with 21 Faces—are better off mysterious.

800 years from now, the generation of blood-slaves forgot the virtue of giving back to their immortal overlords. And you thought Millennials were bad?

THE PLANET IS OUT TO GET ME. And I’m not just going to stand here while it plots against me and my family. I’m coming out punching.

You think you can escape our open-mouth chewing? Our close-talking? YOU CAN’T. This terrorist network is everywhere. You cannot escape.