You’ve Been Served: A Formal {Break-Up}

IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF MAHONING COUNTY – DOMESTIC RELATIONS DIVISION

IN RE: THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN

Carissa Antonopoulos,

Discharger

and

James Davies,

Discharged

PETITION FOR DISSOLUTION OF RELATIONSHIP

NOW COMES the Discharger, Carissa Antonopolous, by and through her attorneys, Foster and Forrester, and for her Petition for Dissolution of Relationship, states as follows:

1. Discharger is twenty-nine (29) years of age, and resides in Campbell, Ohio.
2. Discharger is employed as an operations manager.
3. Discharged is twenty-nine (29) years of age, and resides in Campbell, Ohio.
4. Discharged is employed as a digital content manager.
5. Discharger and Discharged began a relationship on April 14, 2014, in Campbell, Ohio. Said relationship is registered on Facebook, with supporting documentation on Instagram and Twitter.
6. Discharged will be a resident of Ohio for more than ninety (90) days immediately and continuously prior to the Finding, herein.
7. That the Discharged, upon learning of the Discharger’s job offer, which would require a relocation to the state of Pennsylvania, became undeniably belligerent and attempted to stand in the way of the Discharger’s career. Instead of having a rational discussion about the logistics of this relocation, and the subsequent promotion of the Discharger, the Discharged refused to entertain the idea of moving. It has been two weeks, which amounts to half the time the Discharger was allotted by her work superiors to reach a decision, and it is clear to the Discharger that the Discharged will not be reasonable, nor will he consent to a move. It is not the wish of the Discharger to force the Discharged to make such an important life decision under duress, but neither can the Discharger turn down such a momentous opportunity for the sake of appeasing the Discharged. As a result, the Discharger is seeking a Judgment for Dissolution of Relationship in this cause.
8. One (1) pet was adopted as a result of this relationship, namely Pip, currently 2 years of age. Said pet resides with the Discharger and Discharged at their shared residence on Tremble Avenue.
   No other pets were adopted by the parties during their relationship and the Discharger is not now in the process of adopting.
9. The Discharger has not participated, in any capacity, in litigation in this state or any other state concerning the custody of the pet, and the Discharger has no knowledge of any pending custody proceeding involving the pet in a court of this or any other state.
10. The Discharger knows of no other person not a party to this proceeding who claims to have custody or visitation rights with the pet.
11. That the Discharger is a fit and proper person to be awarded the sole custody of the parties’ pet.
12. Prior to and during the relationship of the parties, the Discharger acquired certain assets outside the relationship and same should be awarded to her.
13. The Discharger has no information or belief that a similar Petition for Dissolution of Relationship is pending in another county of this state or in another state.

WHEREFORE, your Discharger herein, Carissa Antonopoulos, respectfully asks for the following relief:

1. A Judgment for Dissolution of Relationship be entered in favor of both parties;
2. The Discharger is awarded sole care, custody, and control of the parties’ pet;
3. That the Discharger shall also gain sole custody of the friends she made prior to the relationship, namely Jalisa Walker, Meredith Hayword, Tom Gillespie, and Reeva Schade;
4. That the parties involved will come to a shared custody agreement regarding the friends made during the relationship, namely Harrison and Patricia Dean, and Garrett Parker;
5. That the Discharger shall have the following items, previously gifted to the Discharged, returned to her person:
   1. One (1) box set of the complete X-Files television series;
   2. Three (3) “ugly Christmas sweaters” that the Discharger hand-knit; and
   3. One (1) commissioned drawing that depicts Pip dressed as a Jedi.
6. That the parties involved shall maintain shared access to all streaming services for a period of up to six (6) months following the Dissolution of Relationship:
   1. Currently, the Discharger is in possession of the Netflix and Spotify Premium account information; and
   2. The Discharged is in possession of the Hulu and HBO Go account information;
   3. All of which will be stored in a shared Google Do file until a time of six (6) months has passed or until either lacking party has created their own personal account.
7. That the parties involved shall remove and/or destroy any materials of an erotic fashion captured on their personal devices (cellphones, laptops, tablets).
   1. The keeping of one (1) such material, for the sake of prosperity, is permitted.
   2. If, however, the Discharged engages in any sort of retaliation that involves unpermitted sharing of said materials, he will be swiftly met with further legal action.
8. That the parties involved shall immediately remove any prominent trace of the Relationship from their Facebook and Instagram pages.
   1. At this time, neither party is expected to remove any evidence of the Relationship from Twitter.

In exchange for complete accordance with the relief detailed above, the Discharger is willing to provide the following relief:

1. That the Discharged shall have sole custody of the friends he made prior to the relationship, namely Matthew Vardalos, Richard “Ricky” Cardoza, and Joshua Pratt;
2. That the Discharged shall have sole ownership of the residence at Tremble Avenue and the furniture therein, besides the provisions listed below.
   1. The Discharger will have her things boxed up and collected over the next two weeks;
   2. The Discharger is willing to agree to no more than three (3) designated time slots, during which the Discharged will not be on the premises, during which time she will box up and collect her things; and
   3. The Discharger would like to retain custody of her desk and two-thirds of the aquired bookshelves.
3. That the Discharger shall return the following items, gifted to her by the Discharged, to the Discharged:
   1. One (1) framed poster for the Marvel Studios film “Captain America: Civil War,” signed by Robert Downey Jr.;
   2. One (1) limited edition Marvel Iron Fist Pop! Vinyl bobblehead figurine; and
   3. Four (4) Cleveland Cavaliers jerseys.