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It seems that some of you have believed me to be a bit too coy. You felt that my last piece ended a bit prematurely. I left you unsatisfied. I will try now with part two to give you the climax you desired.

For those that couldn’t read between the lines of my last story, it ended with sex.

Lots and lots of fantastic, life-changing sex. My initial intention that evening was to hit it and quit it. I ignored the red flags because after our official meeting I realized all I wanted was the ‘D.’

But, as happens in so many stories, things didn’t go as planned. My hook up wanted something a bit more. So for around 6 weeks, we spent time together. Mostly in the bedroom, but for the sake of continuing to get the really good sex, I gave the dating thing a shot.

The problem was that although we could have some really great conversations via text, we struggled to make conversation happen in-person. I don’t know if that was because he was perpetually stoned or if I was still too damaged from my previous relationship. Even though we had a lot of shared interests, he and I just couldn’t seem to get into a good discussion on any topic.

When you don’t talk it can make beers, dinners, and even just hanging out really difficult.

Our ‘dates’ mainly consisted of me going to see him play at his gigs at bars, which was actually kind of perfect. He is incredibly talented, so watching him play and hearing him sing was super sexy. And because he was busy doing something, we didn’t have to talk. By the time he packed up, it was usually quite late, so we would again just go back to one of our places to not talk.

But even amazing sex can only take you so far.

And here is how our tale ends. After being out of town with my family for a week, I returned home to an invitation to hang out. I headed to his place after work, expecting some one-on-one time. Instead, he asked if I wanted to go see a baseball game. I love going to see our local Triple A team play, so I thought this was a very sweet welcome back.

Then, 10 minutes later he told me his friend Dan is coming. I was cool with it. But then Dan arrived and told us Tim and Diane are coming. If two is already awkward, and three’s a crowd, then five is an invasion.

As quiet as I was when it was just the two of us, it got worse with three new people I’d never met. With no context or introductions, I became positively mute around them.

We headed to the baseball game, where his friends politely engaged in some light conversation, asking me about myself and how long he and I have known each other. But these new variables in our equation have been friends with him since high school and quickly lost interest in the smalltalk. Frankly, I can’t blame them. High school friendships are great for nostalgia and reminiscing. They’re no place for entertaining new, quiet ladyfriends.

Here’s the thing about going to a baseball game. They’re 5 hours long.

Meanwhile, my whole intention for the evening was to get laid, so by the 5th inning, I’m ready to skip the Crackerjacks and get back to his place.

When we get there, we have some pretty unremarkable sex, and when he asks me to stay the night, I decline. I’m just not feeling it anymore.

He walks me out, gives me a kiss, and I say something ambiguously final, like, “I really enjoyed spending time with you.” It wasn’t an overt breakup or declaration that I didn’t want to see him again. But neither one of us has contacted the other since.

I’m not sure if there is a thing as dual-ghosting, but I’m pretty sure that’s what happened.

Ignoring red flags got me this: One awkward goodbye, but six weeks of fantastic, chemistry-filled, mind-blowing, drama-free getting it on. I’d call it a win for my first foray into the dating world after 11 years, wouldn’t you?

Cecelia Halpert

Cecelia is an amateur storyteller, writer, and adult. She hopes to go pro in all three someday.

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