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Tom looked out the window, 101 floors up in a modern urban high rise. What a kingdom, he thought, rolling over in his Murphy bed, the only bed that would fit in such a tiny studio. But there, he had everything he’d ever need.

He kissed Siri on her warm, smooth forehead and whispered, “I need you.”

She only responded by placing her arms by her side, straightening out her legs, and closing both eyes that had been fixed on the ceiling. Tom had just had the best sexual experience of his life. It was like that every time with Siri. She knew what to do and what made him happy; she did it every time. It was like she could read his mind and respond accordingly in an instant. Every time was perfect and better than the last.

In the small apartment next door, which was laid out exactly the same, Heather laid with the exact same feeling of satisfaction.

As she got out of bed to shower and dress herself, she announced her order. “Siri, make me some eggs please. Benedict, with two slices of bacon, a fruit salad, and a macchiato with almond milk.” Siri had them both ready before her hair was dry.

Tom and Heather were great friends, the kind that didn’t keep anything from each other. Asthey took the elevator down to the park together, they couldn’t stop gushing about how amazing life is, and how every single moment has been better since they came out as robosexuals.

They reminisced about the hard times, when a lot more people in the world had to compete with each other and strive toward an illusion called “happiness.”

They laughed about humankind’s rush toward “optimization” back at the turn of the millennium, how everyone raced to make things bigger, better, and faster. Everything good in the world had to be automated so humans didn’t have to worry about the mundane tasks and could put their minds to inventing the next set of gizmos which would present a whole new set of mundane tasks, all of these attempting to solve the problems that the newest inventions created.

Tom and Heather lazily strolled through the park, passing a decrepit billboard, which read:


The advertisement had been there unchanged for about 50 years. No one needed to change it or update it. After all, there was only one human-inhabited skyscraper left in the world. A few miles outside of this skyscraper, a slew of robots, conveyor belts, and programs ran on autopilot. This system automatically planted, grew, harvested, and delivered all the food that humans needed directly to the building. Optimized, just like the humans always dreamed.

The system and program were becoming less and less needed, however, since the human population was sharply on the decline for the past quarter of a century.

Tom and Heather were actually the last two inhabitants in the very last “city” on Earth. As things got faster and more automated at the turn of the millennium—with the iPhone, self driving cars, and automatic everything—the world of robosexualality also evolved. Websites broadcasted free pornography and with just the click of a button, and anyone could bring up any number of movies for their desired stimulation and pleasure. The human mind evolved quickly and soon grew accustomed to being stimulated and gratified instantly, by whatever their deepest darkest fantasies were.

At the same time, text messages and online dating became increasingly complicated for humans. With gratification optimized, they unlearned how to express their emotions or desires to one another in a healthy and productive manner. Verbal communication and empathy nearly disappeared in just half a century, and neither men or women knew how to communicate about their love or sexual desires. Erectile dysfunction numbers spiked among human partners, especially among the younger males, because they were used to being stimulated by 100 things at once. The oversaturation of the pornography market also gave males the impression that they didn’t have to satisfy their partners. The young female population soon followed suit.

Apple decided to capitalize on this new market and gave the young generation what they wanted.

When they released the iPhone 17, it came fully equipped with a separate life-sized, robot. This robot was encased in a silicone skin and had every single human feature. It looked and felt exactly like a person. The pelvis offered some variety and versatility: If the user wanted a man, it would be a man; if the user wanted a woman the next day, the parts were very easily and automatically interchanged. It solved the sexual and gender confusions that humans were having in the middle of the century.

The new iPhone was dubbed: Siri DTF.

As Tom and Heather walked through the park, they didn’t have a care in the world. Everything was taken care of for them, leaving them in a state of complete bliss. No need to worry about any worldly problems at all—there were none. The robots took care of it all; even the sex.

Tom and Heather chatted about how weird it was, how people back in the day were so worried about the development of artificial intelligence, how it was dangerous, how it was supposedly going to be the end of humankind. Little did everyone know at the time that AI would not cause the end of the population.

But Artificial Sexuality would…

It only took a few years for people to rely 100 percent on machines for sexual pleasure. It gave them exactly what they wanted exactly when they wanted it. Humans couldn’t compete in the realm of sex, and eventually, everyone was so satisfied sexually and with their blissful lives—every need and want fulfilled and automated—that they didn’t even care to procreate. Life was one big party all the time, everyone living in their own solitude.

At the end of their walk, Heather turned to Tom and invited him up to the rooftop for the night. They enjoyed spending time together and though they both found each other very attractive, sex wasn’t even on their minds. Tonight they’d drink wine and watch fireworks; they’d laugh and talk. Then they would return to their separate rooms for the night and do it all again tomorrow.

Fireworks set and timed to go off every year on special occasions. Tonight was New Year’s Eve. Heather and Tom enjoyed the spectacular ceremony very much and as the automated ball dropped, Heather muttered, “I think 2084 is going to be a very good year.”

Billy Hafferty

Billy Hafferty is probably still hanging out of the passenger side of his best friend's ride trying to holler at you.

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