We, the Younger Siblings of America, are on strike. On strike from your condescension, on strike from your stern talkings to, and on strike from being your second thought. Below is the list of demands we at YSoA have drafted and agreed upon:
(It’s funny how easy it is to agree on things when stupid, annoying, bossy older siblings aren’t getting in the way!)
We aren’t saying we won’t take any old clothes, but the transactions must be consensual and we, as younger siblings, are not required to take them. Additionally, that they are not to be called hand-me-downs, or secondhand, or twice-loved, or anything that suggests a sloppy-second nature. Also, not to be too materialistic but our toys and wardrobe must stay above 60/40 new-to-used ratio, unless prior consent is granted.
Any desirable roles will be subject to auditions with an impartial arbiter. Representation matters!
We will not accept anything less than what we deserve in the current marketplace, as it would hurt future younger siblings’ starting points. Studies show that the biggest predictor of financial success is early adoption.
We are your real brothers and sisters, and mom and/or dad love us just as much.
In fact, that move is illegal in any activity heretofore and in perpetuity.
We will concede a slight majority of rides, but must receive a minimum of 1 out of 3 rides in the front seat. However, if this is a “shotgun” game family, then merit will be the only determining factor. Obviously, front seat picks the music, but back seat always gets 3 vetoes.
We’re not trying to go all Christopher Columbus on you, but nowhere in the Constitution does it actually say that possession is nine-tenths of the law.
A. Demand VIII – Subsection A
We formally denounce any manipulation and trickeration used to get a younger sibling to do something. Timing us, betting us we can’t, or comparing us to others is a vindictive practice that must be met with a formal censure from mom and/or dad.
Those types of antiquated stereotypes further perpetuate inequality. We would expect better from those with all that experience you are always boasting about.
So here is what we are willing to offer:
That’s on you.
No we are not like them, just as we are not assuming you are not like the teacher we had a few years ago. Please throw away all preconceived notions about us, as we were post-conceived and our own person.
These 11 demands are our starting point for any brokering of peace. Hopefully they finally bring us the attention and recognition that we deserve and have been fighting for all these years. Our time in the shadows is over!
Our union representatives and lawyers are available for further explanations but we are sure that won’t be necessary. See you at dinner.
The Younger Siblings of America