Prompt Images

A Petition to Decriminalize Me Farting in Bed

A Petition to Replace All Firefighters with Fire Conflict-Mediators

A Petition to Require All Candidates for Public Office Take and Submit Nude Pictures to a National Registry So That They Can’t Be Blackmailed

A Petition to Give All U.S. Citizens a Get Out of Jail Free Card

A Petition to Recognize March 24th as National Moment I Finally Realized Ethan Was a Fucking Asshole and I Should Stop Texting Him Day

A Petition to Make Dan Try Ethiopian Food

A Petition to Outlaw Standing While Peeing Anywhere That’s Not Either The Woods or A Private Residence

A Petition to Require All Citizens Complete 2 Years of Mandatory Service Between the Ages of 18 and 22 in State Administered Babysitter’s Club that Provides Free Daycare and Afterschool Services for All Children Aged 0 to 12 in the United States AKA Socialized Childcare

A Petition to Recognize Brunch as a Public Health Risk

A Petition to Allow Anyone Who Registers to Vote the Right to Throw A Bucket of Water on One Kid that’s Being Really Annoying In Public, Per Year

A Petition to Replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 Bill with a Picture of Harriet Tubman Pegging Andrew Jackson

A Petition to Codify the Chocolate Donut Emoji as the Only Emoji Legal for Use in Text Message and Social Media Butthole References

A Petition to Require Every Citizen Participate in 1 Day a Year Humanely Slaughtering Animals, 2 Weeks a Year Working in a Field, and 10 Weekends a Year Cleaning Up Trash On a Beach or Something

A Petition to Legalize Ghosts

A Petition to Recognize That A Lot of People Have Gotten Famous Making Jokes They Probably Didn’t Hear Me Make but I Still Certainly Made Before They Did

A Petition to Require Couples Provide Examples of Appropriate Outfits for the Aesthetic of Their Weddings, Instead of Just Saying “Fancy Casual”

A Petition to Mandate Anyone Who’s Ever Said “Fly-Over State” Suck My Fucking Dick

A Petition to Force You to Read a Book

Something Something Boaty McBoatface

A Petition to Actually Be Best

Zach Straus

Zach Straus peaked at 15 and is mostly held together by masking tape.

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