An Incomplete and Growing List of Perfectly Derivative TV Show Ideas I Have

House Hunters, but for finding the best egg and cheese sandwich

SportsCenter, but for concert highlights

Stranger Things, but without all the alien stuff

The Sopranos, but the mob is retired Jews and in a Boca Raton gated community

Anderson Cooper 360, but he just does skateboard tricks

Friday Night Lights, but set in Minnesota during high school hockey season

Room Raiders, but they only get to see your Instagram feed (your image scrubbed)

The Tonight Show but with Conan O’Brien

Keeping Up with the Kardashians, but never turning on the cameras on and never showing them on TV

Keeping Up with the Kardashians, but siccing rabid animals to chase them

Chicago Fire, but they only thing they fire is deep dish pies

Jeopardy, but only questions about really stupid pop culture things we’ve all forgotten

Shark Tank, but for movie pitches

Family Feud, but the losing family has to vote someone out of their family forever

The Real World, but in a budget apartment in a dangerous neighborhood

The Big Bang Theory, but it’s video of the cosmos over a laugh track

Saved by the Bell, but it’s six brokers on the New York Stock Exchange

24, but Jack Bauer JUST took quaaludes

The Bachelor, but I am the bachelor and every contestant is Charlize Theron