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Binge-watch Black Mirror

Eat black licorice (disgusting, but not as disgusting as blackface)

Pop blackheads (disgusting, but not as disgusting as blackface)

Play Blackjack

Sing Blackstreet’s “No Diggity” at a local karaoke bar

Cheer for the Chicago Blackhawks

Read all of Jesse Stone’s pieces on black holes (1, 2, 3, AND 4!)

Prepare his family’s blackened chicken recipe

Laugh a little too loud at SNL’s Black Jeopardy sketches

Fight a black bear

Play blacktop kickball with the neighborhood kids

Go to a Tenacious D concert and get backstage passes to meet Jack Black

Purchase a tasteful tie using his Amex Black Card

Wonder aloud whether Colin Kaepernick is still being black balled

Play Call of Duty: Black Ops

Watch David Fincher’s Black Swan

Try black tar heroin, just once, to know what it feels like (irresponsible, but not as irresponsible as blackface)

Get black out drunk (irresponsible, but not as irresponsible as blackface)

Listen to the new The Black Keys album

Hypothesize that Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban was an inside job

Rescue a black lab mix

Buy a trippy blacklight poster at Spencer’s Gifts

Fade to black

Josh Bard

Josh Bard is a guy. A sports guy, an ideas guy, a wise guy, a funny guy, a Boston guy, and sometimes THAT guy. Never been a Guy Fieri guy, though.

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