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Once again, Dennis William and Josh Bard—two of the nation’s most charming baseball fans—sound off on what the MLB is doing and not doing to/with/for America’s pastime. This time, the fellas investigate nine things that are on the MLB’s endangered species list.
1. 300 Game Winners in MLB
Randy Johnson was the last pitcher to rack up 300 wins back in 2009, and now no one is even close. The current active wins leader is 40-year-old Justin Verlander who is old, injured, and 56 wins away. No active pitcher is on pace for 300 wins, as we have hit an era where pitcher arm precautions are the rule, not the exception. Baseball, like most sports, is cyclical, but this is one trend that is not coming back.
2. Keeping the Book/Score
Do they even sell programs anymore? And who carries a pen or pencil? I’m sure there’s an app for it, but that doesn’t count. Keeping score in baseball was something parents taught kids to do because their parents taught them to do, a Rockwellian human centipede where nostalgia and tradition passed from generation to generation. You learned how each position corresponded to a number, how to accommodate for a nightmarish scenario of a team batting around the order in one inning (don’t even ask), and that the difference between a forwards K (strikeout swinging) and backwards K (strikeout looking) was monumental.
3. An October Classic
The World Series will never again end before November. I can’t explain why that bothers me, but it does. No leagues have ever removed games from the schedule with a labor issue or catastrophic world event. [EDITOR’S NOTE: This is terrible writing. We hired you because you can explain things] Fine! For ONE HUNDRED and ELEVEN YEARS the World Series started and ended in October. Since 2014, it’s bled into November all but thrice (if my counting is correct, and there’s a 70% chance that it is). Having the World Series spread into November ruins the rhythm of the year. MLB needs to wrap it up on Halloween at the latest. November first is Holiday Season. Why are the Boys of Summer still playing when Freeform is dropping their 25 Days of Christmas schedule?!?!?!
Also, if the World Series continues to bleed into November, are we still going to call Reggie Jackson Mr. October? Does that leave the door open for someone else to become Mr. November?
4. Sacrifice Bunts
A bunch of brainiacs got together and realized that giving up outs was not worth moving base runners ahead. We call it “advanced analytics,” and even though pretty much no one actually understands it, we all agree it is right because Michael Lewis wrote about it in Moneyball. Then, when the universal designated hitter (DH) was instituted in 2022, and pitchers stopped hitting, bunts were the thing that was sacrificed.
5. Peanuts and Cracker Jack
“Take Me Out to the Ballgame” be damned, but the snack choices of song lore have been systematically removed from stadiums because of exorbitant food allergies and the fact that there is no evidence that any Cracker Jack was made since The Great Depression. [A note from Dennis: I have three boxes of Cracker Jack in my cabinet right now]
6. Those Stirrup Socks
They look so cool, but they are slowly becoming less common, to the point that when you see a player wearing them, it’s like seeing a majestic condor soaring through the air… with funny socks on.
7. The Alous
The MLB used to be overflowing with Alou Brothers. We had Felipe, Matty, and Jesus. Then Moises. Plus Luis Rojas and José Sosa and Mel Rojas. Mel Rojas Jr. has played in the minors in the States, but is currently playing in Mexico, leaving MLB currently Alou-less.
8. Baseball Movies
When was the last time they made a baseball movie that mattered? Moneyball came out 13 years ago, and since then, we’ve gotten a smattering of movies that never made a mark. Meanwhile, when we were growing up, baseball movies were everywhere: The Sandlot, Field of Dreams, Bull Durham, Little Big League, Angels in the Outfield, Rookie of the Year, Major League, Major League 2, The Fan, The Scout, A League of Their Own, Eight Men Out, and many others.
9. Corked bats
What’s the point in corking your bat when the ball is juiced? Heyooo! Did you hear that, Manfred? Roasted. !
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