Levels of {Danger}: The Official Scale

As myth has it, Eskimos have a hundred words for snow. But down here, south of the Arctic Circle, we have countless ways to describe danger. Cool, cool cool cool. Really makes you think about what kind of country we’ve established, huh?

How do we know what danger is real and what kind of danger is local news scare tactics? I have compiled a short, easy-to-reference list of what you don’t need to worry about, and what should activate your amygdala. Here’s a rundown, from the least to the most dangerous.

Potential Danger

There may be danger ahead, but on the bright side, there may not be! The kind of often non-existent danger popularized on Nextdoor.

Harvey Danger

I don’t know how or why someone would sit atop a flagpole, but it’s obviously not a safe activity. Paranoia, paranoia, everybody’s coming to get me!

Stranger Danger

Definitely the creepiest danger. A rhyming threat good for childhood warning, which illustrates that 75 percent of safety is preventative.

Danger Zone

Glorified in song. Avoidable if you take side roads.

Lurking Danger

Often turns into danger for someone, but possibly not for you.

Inherent Danger

A danger more defined by its likelihood than its immenseness.

Clear and Present Danger

More dangerous than Patriot Games but not as dangerous as Sum of All Fears.

Imminent Danger

Not a place you want to find yourself, surely, but the name suggests that you may still have some time to turn around and get away.

Extreme Danger

Sounds pretty foreboding, and perhaps it is, but I just can’t get my heartbeat up over a word I commonly associate with Sour Straws.

Absolute Danger

Pure, uncut, unadulterated peril.

Perilous Danger

Seems a bit redundant, no? It’s certainly a lot of danger, but not so much danger that you didn’t have time to pick out a fancy word instead of “deadly.”

Grave Danger

While grave danger sounds like a fictional hitman threat, this one gets bonus points for the real death vibes it gives. This level of danger is a call on the red phone.

Maximum Danger

The name says it all. You can’t do worse than maximum danger. If there was something more dangerous than maximum danger, then that would be maximum danger.