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Suck on the Reese’s like some kind of depraved sicko

Teeny tiny weirdo pervert nibble

Any-sized bites while thinking that Tucker Carlson actually has a point

With a peanut allergy

Fifteen minutes before swimming

Choose a Hershey’s bar instead

After finding it unwrapped on the floor of public transportation

Not finishing the entire thing

On the toilet

Topped with yellow mustard

With your Invisalign retainers in

Lady and the Tramp it with Woody Allen

Tickle Reese’s before eating

Crumbled over rum raisin ice cream (fuck rum raisin ice cream)

If it was given to you by Willy Wonka or any of his associates

If you yourself are a Reese’s, you cannibalistic monster!

Swallow it whole

Sauteed in a rat poison vinaigrette

Off of Roseanne Barr… because she’s racist

Either before, after, or even when considering a tuna melt

Pay twice as much for an organic Reese’s Cup

As croutons on a nicoise salad

Pickled in a brine

Cut into lines and snorted

Get it babybirded to you by Jay Leno

Josh Bard

Josh Bard is a guy. A sports guy, an ideas guy, a wise guy, a funny guy, a Boston guy, and sometimes THAT guy. Never been a Guy Fieri guy, though.

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