After 1.5 years as a low-level employee here, my supervisors have decided it’s time that I leave and try an exciting new role in “freelance consulting.”

Now that you got fired, the world is yours for the taking! Free money, free decisions, and free living from the comfort of a trendy local coffee shop.

Robin Doody, at age 30, writes a rebuttal to his 15 year old letter to self that is “poorly structured, ill conceived, and dangerously untenable.”

Have you never been mentioned in Playbook? Are you outside of the inner circle? It’s like, still FINE. You’re still important. Right?

So what if you’ve got no acting experience. You still deserve as much of a chance as anybody, right? Right? A satirized acting résumé.

The worst place for this to happen is in this small yoga studio.

Ugh, quarantine SUCKS. Especially for this early twenty-something TikTok star, who is actually keeping her circle small so leave me alone you guys.

This millennial is going places. And with a cover letter and lack of experience like this, how could any employer possibly say no?

Robin Doody writes #OscarAlternatives to help create the emotional health of the red carpet from the comfort of your beige carpet.