An Incomplete and Growing List of Things that Make You a MONSTER

You don’t squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube.

You put the toilet paper on the roll so I have to grab the loose end from the bottom/back.

You don’t floss your teeth.

You don’t put multicolor objects in rainbow order.

You enjoy winter.

You have naturally flawless skin.

You wear flip flops even though you know you have horrendous feet.

You got your driver’s license in the State of Maryland.

You’ve never accidentally watched three hours of Shark Tank.

You like Kanye more since he got with Kim.

You call your parents by their first names.

You think it’s cute to act stupid.

You show up late to dinner parties.

You don’t like vegetables.

You do that thing at restaurants where you put a wad of cash on the table and tell your server, “This is yours. Every time you mess up, I remove a dollar.”

You enjoy getting dressed up.

You are that person who brings napkins, plates, or cups to a potluck.

You shame people with thick accents or who don’t know English.

You spent more on fancy coffee drinks than you’ve donated to hurricane victims.

You litter.

You drive the exact speed limit in the left lane.

You ruined the surprise.