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This is a big week for plotting, scheming, deception, and destroying your enemies. Are we talking about Game of Thrones or the NFL Draft? Yes. Josh and Mike serve as The Prompt’s Mel Kiper and Todd McShay, breaking down which Game of Thrones character each NFL team should pick in Thursday’s first round of the draft.
1. Arizona Cardinals
Jon Snow – QB (Stiriti)
The fact that Arizona took a first-round QB last year won’t matter here, Josh Rosen might be Chosen but he is not The Prince Who Was Promised. There are serious concerns about Snow’s height, but his leadership skills are unquestioned. He is a high-motor guy with the ability to bounce back from a big hit. Disregard his Wonderlic test, which showed that he knows nothing; he is a franchise player.
The Night King – QB (Bard)
Can’t miss, generational talent with an uncanny arm. The Cardinals weren’t concerned enough when he skipped the combine after javelin-ing a dragon at his pro day, nor were they concerned about his ability to play in the southwest, in a dome. Mostly, I just want to see TNK hug Roger Goodell…
2. San Francisco 49ers
Tormund Giantsbane – DE (Stiriti)
The 49ers finished tied for 22nd in the league in sacks last year and know they need to get to the quarterback if they’re going to compete in a division with Russell Wilson, Jared Goff, and Jon Snow. Giantsbane can come off the edge and pressure the passer at an elite level. Probably the safest pick in the 2019 class.
Ser Gregor Clegane – DL/OL (Bard)
The Mountain will force triple teams when blitzing from the defensive line and can protect Jimmy G’s blindside from anyone looking to get their hands on him.
3. New York Jets
Brienne of Tarth – WR (Stiriti)
Of Tarth is poised to make history as the first female to ever be drafted into the NFL. When all is said and done, she will likely line up at Tight End as much as Wide Receiver. Concerns around her 40 time are negated by her height and catch radius. Pro Comparison = Jimmy Graham.
Daenerys Targaryen – RB (Bard)
Doesn’t it just seem like whatever the Jets do, it turns out wrong? I expect the Jets to miss the scouting that Jon Snow is ahead of Dany on the depth chart and pick Targaryen with the third pick forgetting she played in a dragon system. Without her dragons opening up holes for her, she is a more realistic sixth rounder.
4. Oakland Raiders
Gregor Clegane – OL (Stiriti)
Scouts call this guy “a mountain,” and they’re not kidding. At 6’9″ and 425 pounds, he is the greatest physical specimen in the draft. The only reason he fell this far is due to character issues that the Raiders seem eager to ignore; he’ll fit right in with Antonio Brown.
Jon Snow – QB (Bard)
The Raiders go with the “best available” here and pick a tactician on the field. Snow jumped up draft boards as a prospect with great lineage who fits into multiple schemes, and looks great in black and silver.
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Euron Greyjoy – QB (Stiriti)
It is time for the Bucs to move on from Jameis Winston, and who better to captain the ship moving forward than an experienced swashbuckler like Greyjoy? He is a leader of men who can navigate the stormy waters of the NFC South.
Ser Davos Seaworth – OL (Bard)
Davos does what the Bucs need most. A smart, steady sailor who loves taking care of children. Davos will excel at keeping Jameis upright. He can sail and retrieve fresh crab legs, which are necessary measures if the Bucs want to keep Jameis as an upright citizen.
6. New York Giants
Grey Worm – QB (Stiriti)
The Giants are finally ready to move on from Eli Manning, and Worm will be strong QB-compliment to Saquon Barkley. He is another strong leader with an unsullied reputation. No distractions with this guy, he is 100 percent focused on football.
Tormund Giantsbane – DL (Bard)
Best move for the Giants is to pass again on a QB, and instead draft a big north/south defender who won’t cower at cold December divisional games. Bonus points: He grew up sucking at a Giant’s teet!!
7. Jacksonville Jaguars
Ser Jorah Mormont – OT (Stiriti)
After investing in a QB this offseason, it is imperative that the Jags protect him. Enter Mormont, a specialist at protecting the blind side. He was a 50th-year red shirt senior which causes some concern, but he will can start immediately.
Ser Brienne of Tarth – TE (Bard)
Jags pick a hybrid tight end in Brienne, who will bring exceptional skill and power to a middling offense. Brienne rose up draft boards with her impressive highlight reel, dominating other first rounders like The Hound.
8. Detroit Lions
Gendry – RB (Stiriti)
The Lions have not had an All-Pro running back since the days of Barry Sanders, and they hope to change that with this selection. Gendry is the fastest player in the draft, running a 40-mile dash in just under 12 minutes.
Tyrion Lannister – WR (Bard)
The Patriots of the NFC do the most Patriots thing possible: Draft an undersized, undervalued white guy who can learn the playbook and has been reinforced with a “nobody believes in me” mentality.
9. Buffalo Bills
Sandor Clegane – OL (Stiriti)
The Bills need to protect franchise QB Josh Allen, and Clegane fits the mold as a Tackle who can also move inside to Guard if needed. Nicknamed “The Hound” due to his relentless nature, he might be a Heavy-Legged Waist Bender but has the physicality necessary to play at the next level.
Jaime Lannister – LB (Bard)
The Bills, who have two games each season against the kings of the NFL (Tom Brady and the Patriots), should draft the Kingslayer with their first pick. This will be a disappointing pick for the Seahawks, who were hoping to corner the market on one-handed linebackers.
10. Denver Broncos
Jaime Lannister – CB (Stiriti)
Once a stud wide receiver, Lannister was forced to change positions when he lost his right hand. His physical ability makes up for questionable instincts. Pro Comparison(s) = Aqib Talib, Shaquem Griffin
Sandor Clegane – DT (Bard)
Lots and lots of personality and teamwork problems have followed The Hound for years, but the Broncos couldn’t let a game-changer like this slip past them.
11. Cincinnati Bengals
Ser Bronn of the Blackwater – FS (Stiriti)
The Bengals need help in the defensive backfield and have set their sights on the best safety in the draft. He has Oily Hips and can change direction on a dime. He won’t be happy to miss out on a Top-10 signing bonus but will fit in nicely in the AFC North.
Ser Bronn of Blackwater – S (Bard)
This battle-tested bruiser may be playing for all of the wrong reasons and have off-the-field issues, but the Bengals need to shore up their defense with a guy like Bronn, who always finds himself around the action.
12. Green Bay Packers
Samwell Tarly – OT (Stiriti)
This may be a reach at No. 12, but the Packers will get their man in Tarly. We call this guy a Phone Booth; he doesn’t have the best feet but can protect in small areas. Tarly had the highest Wonderlic score of anyone in the class and should fit in nicely in Green Bay due to his experience with brooding emo quarterbacks.
Samwell Tarly – OT (Bard)
A pick that Packers fans would love: A cold-weather, hard-working guy who looks like them, and does things the right way. Tarly is a natural protector of men, who excelled during his brief stint as a student-athlete Citadel.
13. Miami Dolphins
Zombie Hodor – OL (Stiriti)
The Dolphins have been walking dead for years, so why not get a revived big body like Hodor who knows protection and hopefully learned his lesson about holding things for too long?
Arya Stark – CB (Bard)
A team already tanking and building for the future gets a great prospect who will be the heart of the franchise for years to come. Arya is a talent-sponge, who picks up killer moves from everyone she’s worked with.
14. Atlanta Falcons
Zombie Wun Wun – DL (Stiriti)
It’s the portion of the draft where there is a real run on The-Night-King-turned-zombies. Let’s face it, Wun-Wun is going to make it very hard for the other team to throw over the middle.
Gendry – TE (Bard)
Gendry’s blue collar work ethic should be a welcome boost to any team, especially the Falcons. Gendry checks his ego at the door and is willing to do the dirty work for a high-powered offense that has been criticized for being soft.
15. Washington Redskins
Harry Strickland – QB (Stiriti)
With Alex Smith returning from a serious injury, it is crucial that the Redskins bring in some serious talent. They found their QB of the future in Division 1-AA, and while Strickland isn’t a household name he has a proven track record as a winner.
Qyburn – Medical Staff (Bard)
“He seems like a great person with morals that would immediately fit in with the Redskins organization,” said owner Dan Snyder.
16. Carolina Panthers
Nymeria – WR (Stiriti)
The Panthers get a majestic creature to reel in passes from Cam Newton. If Jerry Richardson were still around, he’d call Nymeria “a junkyard dog.”
Ilyn Payne – S (Bard)
The Panthers fill a need here, as “The Executioner” will force NFC South opposing receivers to keep their head on a swivel, lest end up like (SPOILER ALERT) Ned Stark.
17. New York Giants (from Cleveland Browns)
Davos Seaworth – OLB (Stiriti)
The Giants hope to continue their proud tradition of defensive players without fingers. Seaworth can drop back to defend the pass while also smuggling himself into the backfield. He is a safe pick in the middle of the first round and likely to be a fan favorite.
Grey Worm – WR (Bard)
Grey Worm is an agile slot receiver who will serve well at the hand of Eli Manning. Grey Worm should be able to recover most of the production lost by Odell Beckham, Jr. without the distracting personality or pizzazz.
18. Minnesota Vikings
Yara Greyjoy – CB (Stiriti)
Living up to their names, the Vikings snag the second female ever drafted into the NFL. No stranger to nautical warfare, Greyjoy will likely play on the starboard side opposite Xavier Rhodes.
Euron Greyjoy – S (Bard)
Minnesota grabs a ruthless, pillaging, risk-taking safety who doesn’t shy away from contact. Also, Viking tendencies.
19. Tennessee Titans
Podrick Payne – WR (Stiriti)
Podrick was barely recruited coming out of high school, but his stock rose as he worked with some of the great ones. Possibly the most coachable asset in the draft.
Ghost – S (Bard)
Ghost gives the Titans defensive backfield a savage, agile beast with impeccable tackling form. The direwolf would have been a Top-5 pick but has been questioned for disappearing for long stretches. Tennessee should feel great about getting a key contributor with knack for showing up in the big moments.
20. Pittsburgh Steelers
Bran Stark – ? (Stiriti)
It’s still too soon to make a Ryan Shazier joke, right?
Cersei Lannister – WR (Bard)
Filling the hole left when the Steelers traded Antonio Brown, Cersei replaces almost all of the selfish, explosive, diva tendencies like driving away teammates and napalming anyone around them.
21. Seattle Seahawks
Eddison Tollett – LB (Stiriti)
Scouts were calling this scout a JAG—just another guy—but Dolorous Edd can circumnavigate a wall.
Eddison Tollett – DL (Bard)
In a locker room full of big personalities, the Seahawks would be wise to take Edd, a quiet, no-nonsense defender who won’t be phased in the North and through the roughest elements.
22. Baltimore Ravens
Unsullied Warrior #1390 – S (Stiriti)
File: Hard working, obedient, head down, blue collar, lunch pail type of defender.
Jaqen H’ghar – LB/Edge (Bard)
The Ravens go with what they know: Drafting a versatile defender who can adapt to a variety of roles. H’ghar is joins a long line of fierce, destructive, alleged killers to leave their mark on Baltimore’s defense.
23. Houston Texans
Beric Dondarrion – DL (Stiriti)
One of the Brotherhood Without Banners is a perfect fit for a franchise with no banners.
Varys – DT (Bard)
Varys would be a big addition to the Texans defensive front. Not only will Varys come each week with exceptional scouting of the enemy, but this eunic will also finally get a sack playing alongside JJ Watt and Jadeveon Clowney.
24. Oakland Raiders (from Chicago Bears)
Qhono (Stiriti)
The Raiders finished dead last in sacks last season and must address pass-rushing with the second of their three picks this round. This bloodrider is able to “run the arc” and “get through the trash” with unrivaled horsepower. He is a steal at No. 24.
Daario Naharis – LB (Bard)
Unquestionable work ethic and skill, the Raiders get a guy who fell down draft boards after being a top-10 guy quickly after grabbing national headlines for sacking cities and devastating entire squads by himself.
25. Philadelphia Eagles
Hot Pie – OL (Stiriti)
After a few growth spurts, Hot Pie was highly recruited to Kingsroad A&M, and lead the Seven Kingdoms in pancakes.
Podrick Payne – QB (Bard)
The Eagles, in desperate need of BDE after losing Nick Foles, take Podrick, for his strong locker room “presence.”
26. Indianapolis Colts
Theon Greyjoy – K (Stiriti)
Theon’s life has been full of torture, so kicking a football in Indiana doesn’t actually seem so bad when you think about it.
Yara Greyjoy – DB (Bard)
Yara may lose her best skills in landlocked Indianapolis, but the Colts best move is to grab a plucky, aggressive, confident alpha for their secondary.
27. Oakland Raiders (from Dallas Cowboys)
Varys – OL (Stiriti)
There’s a joke somewhere in here about Jack Del Rio’s balls…
Theon Greyjoy – RB (Bard)
The third of Gruden’s first rounders goes to Westeros’ biggest grinder. Theon is grit personified, battling back from injury after injury, and getting back up after being knocked down 1,000 times.
28. Los Angeles Chargers
Craster – DB (Stiriti)
Craster does not seem like much of an athlete, but the Chargers would bring him in to talk to Philip Rivers about various birth control methods.
Beric Dondarrion – DL (Bard)
The Lord of Lightning falling to the Bolts? What a perfect fit for both sides. Chargers add more pass rush alongside Joey Bosa, and Beric finds a strong unit with another near-impossible task, wrangling Patrick Mahomes.
29. Seattle Seahawks (from KC Chiefs)
Salladhor Saan – OT (Stiriti)
Seattle will welcome a seahand mercenary who sometimes makes mistakes, but always learns from them.
Ser Jorah Mormont – LB (Bard)
Ser Jorah’s résumé is lengthy and impressive. He wouldn’t have fallen this far if not for the medical red flags that come with surviving a case of greyscale. High risk, high reward pick for Pete Carroll.
30. Green Bay Packers
Daenerys Targaryen – CB (Stiriti)
Can’t wait to read about the squabbles over power dynamic issues between Daeny and Aaron, six years down in a Bleacher Report exclusive.
Renly Baratheon – QB (Bard)
With all of the injuries to Aaron Rodgers, I see the Packers moving here to find his eventual successor. In Renly they get a Rodgers prototype with strained family relations and lots of secrets.
31. Los Angeles Rams
Drogon – WR (Stiriti)
The defending NFC champs have the ability to gamble late in the round and will reach on this high-upside wideout. Scouts love his wingspan but hate his lack of hands.
Cohollo – DE (Bard)
Cohollo is a Dothraki Khal, and I don’t need to tell you that Dothraki were bred to wreak havoc an offensive line. Cohollo is going to get to the quarterback. The Rams can get a guy who can replicate everything they lost in Ndamukong Suh with the same temperament for stomping an opponent.
32. New England Patriots
Tyrion Lannister – WR (Stiriti)
New England has a history of creating superstars of players that other teams have cast aside. Expect Lannister to line up in the slot position once occupied by the likes of Wes Welker and Julian Edelman. He is now the odds-on favorite for 2021 Super Bowl MVP.
Melisandre – Staff (Bard)
Melisandre is an immediate impact pick who joins Alex Guerrero, using magic and dark arts to keep their star player’s true age from showing.
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