One of the great things about being a dad is that it gives you license to tell insufferable dad jokes. To make corny ass puns, bad one-liners, and cheapo plays on words. Part of the Dad Code is to embarrass you, make you laugh, and make you roll your eyes.
So for Father’s Day, we couldn’t resist the chance to bring you a few of our favorite, or least favorite, or most insufferable dad jokes.
Submitted Jessica Dunton Fidalgo
In 1972 when my father and mother married, my Great-Aunt Yvette was alive and lived next door to her sister, my maternal grandmother. Aunt Yvette pretty much never left the state of Maine her whole life (or went much beyond New Hampshire, at any rate) and as a result, she had a certain naiveté—which my father dearly loved to exploit for comedic gains. For one of their first Christmases as a family, my father purchased a large barbecue fork with a thick handle, suitable for carving a huge roast. He then drilled a hole into it and glued an AC cord into the hole, then wrapped it up to present as a gift to Aunt Yvette.
“What is this?” she asked, peering at it in wonder.
“It’s an electric fork,” he told her with a straight face. “It’s the latest thing.”
“Ohhhhh,” Aunt Yvette said, knowingly. “So you plug it in and it wiggles itself down into the meat?”
Submitted by Zach Straus
Submitted by Shannon Vail
Two INFURIATING jokes stick out in my mind.
1. “It’s always in the last place you look.”
I mean, come on. He told me that line when I was 5 and couldn’t find my blanket. Thanks. Dad.
2. A $5 bill sits on the table in front of us.
Him: Look! There’s a frog with a suitcase standing outside the Lincoln Memorial!
Me: Where!!!! I don’t see it.
Him: Oh, he must have gotten picked up.
How many $5 bills have I checked to find that G-D frog? Infinity, probably.
Submitted by Jay Kasten
My favorite dad joke is my siblings.
OOOOOO ROASTED. Take that Alana, Reuven, and Sherry!
#burn #dadjokes #imthefavorite
Submitted by Josh Bard
Dad 1: “Wow this menu looks delicious…”
Dad 2: “And I’m sure the food is at least twice as good.” – Dad 2
Dad 3: “Ooooh… I’ll probably get the lobster fra diavolo, if you don’t think that makes me too shellfish.”
Dad 4: “Are you worried about how spicy that’ll be? It could get jalapeno face.”
Dad 5: “As long as their noodles are legit… I know how much you hate im-pastas.”
Waitress: “Do you gentlemen know what you’d like to order tonight?”
Dad 6: “I just hope you serve mushrooms here. Because we are some fun-guys.”
And one more from Jessica Dunton Fidalgo
I just thought of another one. My Dad came to see me in a play and the box office lady said, “Do you have reservations?”
My dad responded, “Yeah but we came anyway.”