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Valentine’s Day is here again—the Hallmark holiday that stresses out happy couples and shoves bright red hearts in the faces of singles. Valentine’s Day is really just another weekday, and not all Valentines come in a heart-shaped box or are as fresh as a bouquet of flowers.

Valentine’s Day Take One

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I don’t know if I should text you.

It’s been awhile, and I’m feeling down,

But you dragged my heart all over the ground.

If we’re being fair, you were never mine…

I guess I’ll just open a bottle of wine!


Valentine’s Day Take Two

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Tell me, what’s a girl gotta do?

I’ve said the lines; I’ve dressed the part,

Yet still no one cares to open my heart.

If this were a movie, he’d appear with a lance…

Whatever, I’m going with my friends to dance.

It’s Friday, And the Valentine is Your Career (A Fantasy)

Roses are red, violets are blue,

You should know that I respect you.

You’ve got the smarts; I can see that you’re tough;

I think that you’ve got what we call “the right stuff.”

Take my hand, give it a squeeze;

Will you accept this job offer, please?

If We’re Kind and Polite, the World Will Be Right; Where To Find Your One True Valentine

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Who wants to watch Paddington 2?

By all accounts, this bear is beloved,

But for Best Picture, his movie was snubbed.

His humble motto is easy to follow,

Watch this film to lift your sorrow.

Sydney Mineer

Sydney Mineer believes in Harvey Dent. She is the #1 bull terrier spotter in Los Angeles and is fluent in both Seinfeld and Spongebob references.

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