POETRY: Today I Am Happy

Today the sun shone brighter than it had in weeks.
So I smiled bigger.
I fell in love with my neighbor’s purple flowers
And my neighbor’s neighbor’s lawn.
I cradled my mom’s voice in my arms.
I bottled up my dad’s laugh.
I joked with the UPS guy ’cause I felt like making him smile.
I counted the friendly faces that greeted me in a crowded room.
I noticed the palate of the sunset.
I celebrated every whisper that made up this moment of my life.
I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have this day.

I celebrated because I know the depth of grey those other days.
When smiling feels impossible,
When blue skies feel like a thick fog,
Afraid of every step,
Awaiting the moment where I fall into something worse,
Something deeper, darker.
When the phone emanates terror,
A familiar voice brings on a deluge of tears,
A stranger’s strange look starts The Spiral.

I know the days that look perfect on the outside,
But on the inside there is no hope.
The days I am a burden weighing everyone down.

That is why today, I celebrate.
Because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

So today, I dance. I sing. I smile.
Today, I am me again.