LaVar Ball Accepts Coaching Position with {Monstars}

Uh-oh.

Now that the news has finally dropped, the outspoken Big Baller Brand leader has some tough decisions ahead of him to compete with the LeBron James-led Tune Squad. According to a few sources, the starting five will have a mix of characters, all with their own villainous pasts.

Kyrie Irving will be the floor general of the new-look Monstars. His flat Earth theory and departure from Believeand make him the perfect candidate to match-up against his former teammate. This one is a no-brainer.

Coach Ball reportedly has some unconventional tricks and picks up his sleeve, too. Word has it that he’s not just looking for top basketball talent. His quest for dominance extends to any athlete that can bring that winning (and occasional cheating) mentality to Ball’s new squad. At the top of that list is Tom Brady, who is poised to join the Monstars starters. His reputation precedes him, with five championships and the will to win no matter the weight of the ball. And, not wanting another ‘Michael’s Secret Stuff” surprise, the Monstars will count on Brady to manage the team’s diet and nutrition plan to keep the Monstars in tip top shape.

Any villainous team will need an enforcer down low. Meet the Monstars’ power bully, DeMarcus “Boogie” Cousins. Cousins does not cower to any threat and will give the Monstars an edge on both ends of the floor. Even the officials are afraid of him, which can only help the Monstars exact revenge on the Tune Squad.

And while Coach Ball may have a reputation for making misogynistic comments, he doesn’t always stay in his lane. Ball went straight to the WNBA to find Brittney Griner, who will reportedly be Boogie’s counterpart down low. As we’ve seen, Griner packs quite the punch.

And her presence will complement Cousins’ bullyish demeanor in the paint. Given her dunking prowess in the WNBA, expect to see her poster some of the smaller Tune Squad players.

Last but not least, Kevin Durant will be the captain of LaVar Ball’s Space Jam 2 Monstars. While KD spent the early years of his NBA career pulling off a squeaky clean reputation—it’s easy to root for a lanky kid with a heart of gold—but in the past year, he’s clearly become more comfortable with duplicity and the dark side. The superstar jumped ship to join the Golden State Warriors after the Thunder lost to them in the playoffs. And when fans called him out for the turncoat move, Durant took to a secret Twitter handle to defend himself. Then, this weekend, KD gave the finger—apparently the ring finger, but still—to Grizzlies fans after getting ejected in the Warriors loss.Yes, the NBA’s reigning Finals MVP is a full-blown villain and will be champing at the bit to lead the Monstars up against LeBron and the Tune Squad.

While this roster has not been publicly announced, sources suggest it’s just a formality. And on the head coach’s decision to leave his own son, Lonzo Ball, off the Monstars roster? For the first time in his life, LaVar Ball has no comment.