{Heaven} Is For Prayers: A Glengarry Glen Ross Monologue For The Masses

A-B-P. A-always, B-be, P-praying. Always be praying. Always be praying.

A-I-D-A. A-attention, I-idolatry, D-demands, A-Action.

Do I have your attention? Idolatry; are you worshipping false idols? I know you are because it’s pray or pay. You kneel or we break your knees. Demands: have you met the demands of Christ? And action. A-I-D-A; get out there and be charitable. You got the beggars comin’ by; you think they came in to get out of the rain? Guy doesn’t walk into the soup kitchen unless he wants to eat. Sitting out there waiting for you to give him money! Are you gonna give it? Are you virtuous enough to give it? What’s the problem, pal?

You see this crucifix? You see this crucifix?

That butternut crucifix was harder to carve than a dalbergia melanoxylon cabinet. I made 970,000 bespoke dalbergia melanoxylon cabinets last year. How much did you nail? You see, pal, that’s who I am. And you’re nothing.

Nice guy? I don’t give a supplication. Good father? Oh, boy, go to church and sing a Mass. You wanna work here? Carve. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you sinner? You can’t take this, how can you take the lashing you get from a nun?

You don’t like it, go to hell.

I can go out there tonight with the good deeds you’ve done, get myself closer to the kingdom of heaven. Tonight. In two hours. Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise. A-I-D-A. Get holy. You sons of God. Get holy.

You know what it takes to get to paradise? It takes great carpentry skills to get to paradise. Go and do likewise, gents. The wood’s out there, you carve it up, the cabinet is yours to sell. You don’t, I have no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those work benches tonight and carve, carve, it’s yours. If not, you’re going to be polishing my crucifix.

Bunch of sinners sitting around in a chapel. “Oh yeah, I used to be a carpenter, it’s a tough racket.”

These are the new hammers.

These are the empyrean hammers. And to you, they’re essential. And you don’t get them. Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. They’re for carpenters. I’d wish you good luck but you wouldn’t know what to do with it if you got it. And to answer your question, pal, why am I here? I came here because Saint Peter asked me to, he asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and forgive you because a sinner is a sinner.