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This song was written by the late, and mostly completely unknown, MC White Dwarf, whose flame burned out too soon. We have the exclusive copy of the song (sorry Genius) which also features (surprise!) Nicki Minaj and Eminem. Come for the 🔥🔥🔥 and stay for the completely informative annotations.
Testing, testing, 1…2…3
You about to get hit by a new MC
They call me the White Dwarf
Because of my lyrical density1
[beat starts]
[White Dwarf casually picks up the mic]
[Verse 1: White Dwarf]
Are you talking shit to me? — your words fall on deaf ears
I’m in a vacuum, buffoon, might as well be rattlin’ off Shakespeare2
I’ve watched stars come and go, heard all of their excuses
Been around long enough to see a million Betelgeuses3
A million supergiants, stars as big as Tom Cruise-is
Collapse to paperweights after burning through their fuses4
Now watch me give a master class, won’t say a word here
I am a master of illusions — I’ll make a star disappear
And for an encore? — I’ll make y’all disappear
Round of applause for this modern day David Copperfield5
[Hook: White Dwarf]
Gravity, gravity, I can’t get enough
A dying star against the world
White Dwarf — you’re up
Density, density, look at all this stuff
A dying star against the world
White Dwarf— you’re up
[Verse 2: Nicki Minaj]
My gravitational forces unleash unfathomable disparity
Put this whole space under the auspice of austerity
Don’t come to me begging — do I look like a charity?
Forget Zuccotti Park — come Occupy my singularity6
Supernova explosion — it’s the second coming
Heavy elements exposed — then implosion so stunning7
I warp the space beneath your feet — so there’s no use in running
You better duck, Em’s here, and he’s coming out gunning
[Verse 3: Eminem]
Psst, I have a secret — you just passed through my horizon — wow!
Are you really that gullible? Horizon, can you hear me now?8
Now that you’re inside, you better do as you’re ordered
Or my tidal forces will have you hanged, drawn, and quartered9
I could have you deported, but there’s a law against that10
Appeal me to the circuit court, like President Dunce Cap?
OK, hold up, can we talk about strategy?
How are you planning to stop me? Stick a pin in and pop me?
Seriously, how can you topple me? Because I’ll take
Everything and leave behind empty space in my wake
Maybe you could take up a collection, and make me an offer
Find every dollar, yuan, and ruble and fill up my coffers
Actually, don’t give a cent to me, you can’t reverse entropy11
Prepare yourself, mentally, the center of me is your destiny
Last chance, here take this quarter and call deGrasse Tyson
Oh shit, phone’s out of order — I guess you had a nice run.12
[Hook: White Dwarf]
Gravity, gravity, I can’t get enough!
A dying star against the world
White Dwarf — you’re up
Density, density, look at all this stuff
A dying star against the world
White Dwarf— you’re up
[beat fades…]
[places mic carefully and more or less respectfully on ground]
Footnotes:
1 Like people, stars undergo different phases of life. White dwarves are like the senior citizen of stars — they don’t do much because they’ve already burned through all their fuel. They are also incredibly dense — imagine a star with as much mass as the sun squeezed down to the volume of the earth. Most white dwarfs will just go on being old and useless forever. But, since many stars are actually part of a binary system (that is, two stars that orbit each other), a white dwarf in a binary system with another star can actually collect matter from the other star over time. If it collects enough mass it will explode in a Type Ia supernova, which could produce a black hole in some cases.
2 White dwarves life in outer space, so no air, and thus no sound.
3 Betelgeuse (pronounced like the better known Beetlejuice) is a red supergiant (translation: big ass star) that lives on Orion’s shoulder. Red supergiants are stars so massive that they will eventually explode as a supernova and either become neutron stars or black holes. Astronomers believe that Betelgeuse will become a neutron star, which is cool but far less cool than a black hole.
4 A red supergiant will explode and either leave behind a neutron star, or a black hole. Neutron stars are dense AF. Think twice the mass of the sun squeezed into a ball with a 12 mile diameter. (By comparison, the earth has a diameter of about 7,000 miles). Also, like white dwarves, they don’t burn any fuel and radiate light. So yeah, neutron stars are basically the universe’s paperweights.
5 Before David Blaine was holding in his urine for 72 hours or whatever, David Copperfield did amazing shit like make the statue of liberty disappear.
6 At the center of a black hole is the “singularity” – which is a single “point” — with no volume — in space where almost all of the black hole’s mass is located. The density (mass divided by volume) of that is beyond comprehension: Mass / 0 = ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
7 Did you know that most of the periodic table beyond the first few elements is forged in a process called supernova nucleosynthesis? Supernova are like the Cargill of the universe.
8 If you ever find yourself near a black hole, stay away from the event horizon, which is the point of no return, from which nothing — not you, not light, or any other form of communication — can escape. Like our equator, there’s no physical demarcation, so you may not even notice when you cross over, except for the fact that your phone will say NO SERVICE YOU DUMB F*CK.
9 Here on Earth, gravity is pretty constant. The force of gravity that the Earth exerts on my head is basically the same as the force it exerts on my feet. In strong gravitational fields, however, like those in a black hole, the strength of gravity varies dramatically as a function of distance from the singularity. Thus, you will experience gravitational “tidal forces” in which your feet will be tugged at harder than your head, until you are literally drawn and quartered, or using a technical term, “spaghettified.”
10 OK, so technically speaking black holes can evaporate through a process called Hawking radiation. But that doesn’t mean you, or your snapchat sexts, can escape in tact. You are still on a crash course with the singularity, but take comfort in knowing a few measly photons may still get out alive.
11 Again, not technically true. You can reverse (that is, lower) entropy in a localized region of space by extracting energy from some external source. But when you include the entropy of that external source as well, the total entropy of everything still goes up. Second law of thermodynamics, bitches.
12 Once upon a time phones a) ran on quarters and b) were said to be “out of order” if the line was dead. Crazy, I know.
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