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Ancient Egyptians started using hieroglyphics as early as 3,000 B.C. It was a was a very complicated way of writing involving tens of thousands of intricate symbols.

Over the course of a couple thousand years, worldly communications became a lot more efficient. With some exceptions, most modern day communication is done with about 50 to 100 characters.

Anthropologists around the world rejoiced in 1799 when a French soldier discovered the Rosetta Stone, upon which the Greeks and Egyptians wrote the same phrases in Demotic script and hieroglyphics, respectively. The Rosetta Stone was essential in decoding and breaking down language, translating characters, and actually communicating across cultures.

Language and communication has gotten wildly lazy over the most recent decade and is building up more barriers rather than communicating ideas and thoughts, let alone making plans.

Well, I’m here to provide a Rosetta Stone of modern-day communication to the anthropologists of the future. You’re welcome nerds-of-future.

Here’s a short list of lazily used grammar, language, and symbols; decoded for the future.

1. Exclamation points!!!

Exclamation points are used to convey energy, or exclamation (wait, I really mean “exclaiming”), in a phrase or sentence. They are wildly overused today almost to the point where the masses will think you are really trite or upset with them if you don’t put an exclamation point at the end of everything you say. Everything is not that exciting. Unless you are actually exclaiming something (like OUCH! OOPS! or GOSH DARNIT!) How about using better words and adjectives to describe how excited or enthusiastic you are feeling?

2. “V” as more than a letter.

The letter “v” is now being used instead of “very.” I need to know what these people are doing with all of the time they are saving by not typing the full word.

3. Literally, to mean figuratively.

This will literally blow your mind, which is to say figuratively blow your mind because your mind will not literally blow up. It will literally stay attached to your body, but that no longer matters because we have literally redefined the word “literally.” Much like the exclamation point, the word “literally” is now used instead of “I’d like to emphasize this one part of my story because I don’t think you are listening to me that intently and I don’t know how else to make my story more captivating.”

4. Heart.

“❤️” can now be used to convey any of the following:

  • I like this picture.
  • I don’t like this picture but I want the person who posted it to like me more.
  • Thanks for this.
  • Thanks for nothing.
  • This means a lot to me.
  • This is pointless.
  • I’d like to stop this conversation but also feel compelled to acknowledge your statement.

5. Office lingo.

In office email culture, the phases “With all due respect,” “Let me see what I can do,”
“Just in case you missed this,” and “As we discussed” most likely mean “I can’t believe I have to deal with this shit.”

Also, the commonly used “I know you’re busy,” probably means “I don’t think you’re as busy or important as you think you are.”

6. Ellipsis.

An ellipsis […] is technically used to make up for a missing pieces of text, or used to allow a pause in writing. Nowadays, it means, “I am very unsatisfied with the way either (or both) of us are choosing to conduct this conversation but don’t care enough to elaborate and I expect you to know what I mean.”

7. tfw

“That face when” or “that feeling when” is usually used as an acknowledgement of oneself, posting another picture of oneself, and hoping not to be judged negatively about it.

8. “You do you.”

Roughly translated, “I think you’re being selfish but I would not like to elaborate or confront you directly about it.”

9. Sincerity and magnitude.

Any alternate spelling of “I miss you,” “I love you,” or any other related emotion (Like, “Miss ya,” or “Luv you.”) will convey the same idea of the emotion, but is meant in a lower-degree of the term and will also protect the sender from any emotional vulnerability or commitment.

Who knows, maybe the slow shift back to hieroglyphics (A.K.A. the use of emojis 🐐🍪⌛♏🔜🏳️‍🌈👀) will help us describe our feelings better.

Billy Hafferty

Billy Hafferty is probably still hanging out of the passenger side of his best friend's ride trying to holler at you.

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