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“Cio Bahn! So lovely to finally meet—oh, it’s pronounced, “Sha-vahn”?

“I was very upfront with you about having a daughter. My bad, I should have mentioned her eleven brothers.”

Job Interview

“I didn’t send you my references? I’ll forward them to you now.”

“Law degree? No, my bad, I graduated from their Law of Attraction program—weekend seminar.”


“I’m sorry, I know I promised you Disney World this year, but that was before the cost of gas and lunch meat exceeded the cost of plane tickets.”

“I’m sorry. Klingon isn’t real. It never was. Your mother and I loved Star Trek. And now we realize what started off as a fun idea of teaching you the Klingon language instead of English, was a terrible mistake. It has set you back years behind your peers. This is very much our bad. I look forward to the day when you can read this letter.”

Disclosing Past Indiscretions to the One You Love

“Look, this is my bad for not ever thinking it was important to tell you, but… before you and I ever even met—in a drunken haze, I kissed your sister…”

(Continued) “Then, the next morning we boned in what apparently was your bed, and later hopped on a flight to Ibiza. I don’t know why I never said anything to you—your parents said you’d freak out. My bad.”

Everyday Social Situations

“Oh, you were in line? My bad… no please, let him go, he was here before me.”

“Oh, you were in line? Oh, you were in line too? You were too? All of you people? Let me get this straight, there are… one, two, three… seven—twelve people here in a line—this is a line? So, twelve of you people had the same idea as me this morning to get coffee? We all just woke up this morning and had a hankering for coffee?? Really. Interesting. I’m not saying I believe it, but I’m willing to go along with it for the sake of ya know, Ukraine and such. My bad.”

Mikael Johnson

Mikael Johnson is a writer, performer and paralegal. He once hit (2) home-runs in a game while playing baseball in Europe—he may have “flipped” his bat after hitting the second one.

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