The Prompt NFL Power Rankings – Week 11: *No Homerism on a Bye Week

Welcome to The Prompt’s own weekly NFL Power Rankings, where we rank all of the things that matter. We apologize in advance for any jokes that offend your sensibility or analysis that offends your favorite team. All pictures from this article are presented (however poorly) by the authority of The Prompt and may not be reproduced or retransmitted in any form, and the accounts and descriptions of this Microsoft Paint artwork may not be disseminated without express written content.

1. Monday Night Mayhem

When a pair of 9-1 teams with explosive offenses meet on national television, you expect some fireworks. What the Rams and Chiefs delivered on Monday night was even crazier than expected. Odds-makers set the total for this one at 64, the highest over/under in the history of the league, and they absolutely shattered it.

Did it feel like a Big 12 game at times? Sure. Have the NFL rule changes made it so you can’t play defense? Yeah. But was it still fun to watch? Absolutely. I won’t get into the stats because everybody on the field (with the weird exception of Todd Gurley) had huge games.

The Chiefs lost but hold on to the #1 seed in the AFC. The Rams won, but if the season ended today they wouldn’t be eligible for a home game in the NFC title game…

2. New Orleans Saints

Drew Brees is absolutely carving up the league right now. The 39-year-old led his team to their ninth straight victory while putting up 363 yards and 4 TDs against the defending Super Bowl champions. His 126.9 QB rating is the best in the league, thanks to a completion percentage of 76.9 and a 25-1 TD/INT ratio.

Next up for the Saints is a Thanksgiving night game against Atlanta, which should be a real defensive clinic.

3. Pittsburgh Stealers

Roethlisberger and his crew went into Jacksonville and stole a game from the Jaguars. The Steelers were down 16-0 with less than 2 minutes left in the 3rd quarter when Big Ben connected with Antonio Brown for a 78-yard touchdown to break the seal. After a couple 4th quarter TDs (and thanks to the Jags’ inept offense), Pitt had a 20-16 win.

Their 7-2-1 record elevates them to the #2 seed in the AFC, a half game up on the Texans and Patriots (who they’ll play on December 16th*).

* The Patriots are on a bye this week so I have decided not to talk about them at all. I know that many of you non-Boston fans hate that stuff anyway. This week you’re getting a break from my annoying homerism**.

**I do just want to say one thing: When people ask me, as a Pats fan, if I’m afraid of playing the Steelers, I laugh in their face. I don’t even mean to do it. It is a gut reaction. The mere mention of Mike Tomlin beating Bill Belichick and Tom Brady in a big game is hilarious to me. That’s it. I’m done***.

4. Dallas Cowboys

After losing at home to the Titans and falling to 3-5, it looked like the Dallas’ season was over. Jason Garrett was about to be fired and the Redskins and Eagles were going to battle for the NFC East crown.

And then weird stuff started to happen. The Cowboys beat the Eagles in Philadelphia to improve to 4-5, then took care of the Falcons in Atlanta to get to .500. Meanwhile, Alex Smith broke his leg in a loss to the Texans, leaving the Redskins with a 6-4 record and Colt McCoy at quarterback. As this was all happening, the Saints were curb-stomping Philly and dropping them to 4-6.

So, yeah, it looks like Jerry’s Kids are the favorites to win the division? Wild! The ‘Skins-‘Boys Turkey Day showdown is now quite meaningful.

5. The NFC Wildcard Race

Speaking of wild, the NFC playoff race is going to be an absolute shit show. There are so many different scenarios that it doesn’t make sense to spend time on it in November. I just really wanted to incorporate Always Sunny into this update. The picture works a lot better than I thought it would. Carry on.

6. The AFC Wildcard Race

Things aren’t any clearer in the AFC, where five teams have 5-5 records causing a traffic jam for the would-be #6 seed. Again, its way too early and boring to dive into the scenarios now, but given the mediocrity of the teams pictured, I wouldn’t be surprised if 9-7 gets the job done.

*** I just have to say, it’s amazing that the Patriots are 7-3 but everybody is acting like the season has been a disaster. Meanwhile, fans of these garbage teams are just happy to be in the hunt. That is how you know the dynasty isn’t over yet.

7. The Bears’ Defense

This unit wants to win the NFC North! Chicago’s defense dominated the Vikings on Sunday night, led by another monster performance from Khalil Mack. They picked off Kirk Cousins twice, returning one of them for a score, which Mack added another sack-fumble recovery combo. They also held Minnesota to a total of 22 yards rushing, the lowest amount for the Vikings since _ /_ /_ (…if I had a research assistant this date would be filled in, but unfortunately interns aren’t in The Prompt budget… apparently millennials won’t work for free).

The Bears will now have 3 days to recover, prepare for the Lions, practice, and travel to Detroit before an 11:30 A.M. CST game on Thanksgiving. But who says the NFL doesn’t care about player safety!?!

8. Saquon Barkley

The eventual Rookie of the Year carried the Giants to a 38-35 win over the Bucs this week. He also carried the ball quite well, totaling 152 yards and 3 touchdowns on the day.

I’m about to say something crazy, so if you startle easily please skip ahead to #9.

I think the Giants have a chance to make the playoffs. I know that seems ridiculous after how terrible they have been, but hear me out:

9. Nick Bosa

The race to the bottom of the NFL standings, and thus the top of the NFL draft, is heating up. There are NINE teams with 3 wins or fewer, making it unclear which NFL team the stud defensive end from Ohio State will end up on. The Raiders had pole position after their embarrassing loss to the 49ers, but for some strange reason they actually tried on Sunday and beat the Cardinals. I’m starting to get a sneaking suspicion that Jon Gruden doesn’t know what he’s doing.

10. The Public

Earlier, at #1, I told you that the Rams and Chiefs went over the 64-point game total by 41 points. What I didn’t tell you was that 69 percent of the public bet the over, and they bet it heavy. Vegas casinos took a loss well into the 7-figures, and bookies around the countries are paying up today. And back and forth we go.

Also Receiving Votes: Le’Veon Bell Fantasy Owners’ Therapists, Le’Veon Bell Fantasy Owners’ Drug Dealers, Joe Theismann, Alabama, Andrew Luck, and ‘Riverboat’ Ron Rivera’s Balls.