The Future of Healthcare: The Dark Art of the {Algorithm}

Patient admission notes:

•    Distant metastases
•     Comatose
•     Previous philanthropy
•     Excellent insurance
•     Advance directive: DNR

The algorithm returned a MATCH finding. The RUN command fired the artificial intelligence nodes in the smart bed. The patient’s hippocampus was informed:

“Hospital administration has identified you as terminal. With nonverbal assent documentable through brain waves, you will enjoy daily orgasmic stimulation of the prefrontal cortex and pain inhibition via parietal neuron blockade. In exchange for these benefits, the palliative care unit will taper precision medication, shutting down organ systems sequentially, the brain last.”

Chart note: Patient Assent Recorded_110624_12:01.

Four months later, the infusion pumps switch off when insurance benefits max out and the stock portfolio balance reaches zero. The pain-free, orgasmic patient dies quietly.