How Was I Supposed to Know The Handmaid’s Tale Pop-Up Bar Would Flop?

Dear Investors,

OK, so maybe The Handmaid’s Tale pop-up bar wasn’t as good of an idea as I thought it would be. On paper, it had everything you’d need to be a master success. A smart, trendy new show. An obvious aesthetic. Murder, sex, oppression, and classism. This is basically a Game of Thrones redux. How did it go wrong?

We all saw how The Game of Thrones bar had a line down the block, with hundreds of happy hipsters waiting hours to snap their selfies for the ‘Gram. We heard how it netted over 7,000 percent of expected quarterly sales. Wasn’t The Handmaid’s Tale a big deal for the young urban liberal elites which this bar often serves? Wasn’t this pop up literally the next best thing?

I’ll be honest. At our first pitch meeting, I had only seen the first two episodes. And while it had some seriously ominous tones, it also felt like something the people could embrace. They played Scrabble! The women wore a distinct, but easily reproducible fashion! Elizabeth Moss had all those funny asides! And yeah, I know there was all that weird sex stuff, but at least it didn’t happen between siblings, right?

The Handmaid’s Tavern was going to the a place that self-selected out the bros and the jerks and the misogynists and the misogynist jerk bros. Every bar is built for men, but our bar was going to be different. I maintain that no one could have seen the bar becoming a place where men came to pick up women because of the uneven ratio of gals to guys.

And the drink menu wrote itself. The Handmaid’s Ale! The Commanders’ Orange! The Canadian Escape! The Red-hooded Slut! Under His Mai Tai!

When I pitched my concept to a room of such distinguished gentlemen as yourselves, we discussed the opportunity for this bar to be THE destination bar for girls’ night out. We all thought that women would really embrace their resistance feelings, especially in this political climate of D.C. Nevertheless she persisted, right?

I want to be honest with you—I know exactly where things went wrong. And I see this as a real learning opportunity. We expected our customers to ZIG, but they ZAGGED. Hard. We thought this would be THE bar for the resistance to drink up. No commanders. No rules. No eyes creepily watching every move. But instead, the place took on a pretty depressed vibe. Everyone just sat too quietly, playing Scrabble. It was kind of eerie.

Perhaps we shouldn’t have hired all those pregnant women to roleplay as handmaids. As a lifelong thespian, I found their level of commitment to their characters inspiring. I mean, they really nailed their sad and sobering gaze, but looking back, that was exactly the problem. The last thing you want in a bar is sobriety.

I don’t mean to point fingers, but those women were real downers.

The unfortunate earnings, oppressive vibe, and reputation of The Handmaid’s Tavern were not for a lack of effort though. Our set design team did a great job of recreating the Waterford’s house and the Wall. On second thought, The Wall was so detailed that it was a better idea in our brainstorm than in execution.

All that said, I still would recommend moving forward with the Sharknado pop up next. Call it a hunch but I think we’re due!