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You ever notice those elaborate, ephemeral names that are used to describe and differentiate paint colors, crayons, and Pantone shades?

Well, we want in.

We asked our staff writers to tell us how they’d name a few select colors from The Prompt’s palette. Got a better idea? Tweet yours at us @thepromptmag!


COLOR 1:

Josh Bard: Sizzurple

Long after Sunny D commercials vilified Purple Drank, Lil Wayne and the Three Six Mafia opened our eyes to a new version. Like sizzurp, this shade is easy on the eyes but has a hidden dangerous lurking below.

Anthony Rogers-Wright: Prince’s Purple After Too Much Sun

Joe Biden cannot claim this color “ain’t purple,” whether it’s confused about voting for him or not. If this was the color of the National Association for the Advancement of Purple People (NAAPP), Rachel Dolezal would have utilized it as her go-to skin tone. Purple of enough for Prince, but too dark for Purple Mountain Majesty.

Jillian Conochan: Slurple

A Big Gulp cup + the 80/20 rule of grape slurpee and vodka. Dranks well with others.

Heather Schaff: Fresh Bruise

Better go grab a big ol’ steak for this shiner. At least you won the fight.

Sarah Razner: Brandy, Barney’s Cooler Cousin

Everyone knows the friendly dinosaur, Barney, but few know about his cool cousin, Brandy. Unlike her magenta relative, Brandy is soulful and deep, ready to have conversations on more than just playground etiquette, and this color hits those same notes.

Dennis William: Ass Bruise

Remember your first pair of roller blades? Remember going down a driveway that was steeper than you thought? Remember trying to lean back to slow your momentum instead of keeping your center of gravity low, which caused your feet to fly out in front of you? This is the color of the bruise the next day.

Kelaine Conochan: Wonka Purple

Be sure to read the fine print because this color has some deeper issues. It doesn’t want to talk about them, and you don’t want to hear about them. It’s dark, kinda mysterious, and might lead you into an entrapment scheme against your will.

COLOR 2:

Josh Bard: Sea Foam Red

Yes, we know there is no sea foam that is actually a red, but if Sea Foam Green had a family, this color would be kin. This color makes you think beach and tropics and while its not a color you hope to find in your body of water, it is a color that could inhabit your glass as you become one with the beach.

Anthony Rogers-Wright: The Pink Panther

It ain’t no mystery.

Jillian Conochan: Pinktunia

Pinktunia packs a punch of pickled petals.

Heather Schaff: Lipstick Traces

Yanno, when you come home with some on your collar, and try to hide it from the wife.

Sarah Razner: Sherbet Sunday

More comforting than a hot pink, and richer than a light rose, this color is refreshing, just like a big bowl of sherbet in the hot days of summer.

Dennis William: Sun-faded Strong Bad Mask

Aw man. Will Armor All fix this?

Kelaine Conochan: Pank

An relative of pink who lives overseas. Doing its own thing. Looks and sounds like a past tense verb: pink, pank, punk.

COLOR 3:

Josh Bard: George Hamilton Orange

This unnatural orange is lab created and really pops alongside white veneers. Its the responsible base coat starting point before going to George Hamilton Rose or George Hamilton Red.

Anthony Rogers-Wright: A Clockwork Orange After Patriarchy Training

Stanley Kubrick’s landmark flick would never be released in the epoch of hyperbolic woke culture. After taking patriarchy training and committing to the end of glorifying rape culture, this is the color that came to mind after listening to a dubstep version of lovely, lovely Ludwig Van’s opus the Thieving Magpie.

Jillian Conochan: Mango Tango

Mango Tango, or when a mango and a tangerine do the forbidden dance.

Heather Schaff: Overripe Melon

The one you find in the back of the fridge after two weeks. It’s soft and squishy and smells . . . well, you’d better take the trash out ASAP.

Sarah Razner: “Whoever said Orange is the New Pink is Seriously Disturbed”

Pink is pink and orange is orange. There’s no need to compare one to another and this color knows it. Welcoming and bright, this shade is ready to encourage creativity and everyone to be there best in ways no shade of orange or pink has ever before.

Dennis William: Disappointing Pumpkin

It really looked more orange out in the field when I picked it.

Kelaine Conochan: Glarange

Scholars debate whether this has a debonaire French or more of a Staten Island proletariat pronunciation. Somehow, it dresses the part for either scenario.

The Prompt Staff

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