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What’s up binches? Brynn, MOH here just checking in and ready to deliver the big news about the final destination! After talking to Sarah and a few of you… (drumroll plz)

Steve put a ring on it and now we’re gonna put seven more rings on it. We’re going to…


Okay, I know what you’re thinking! WOWOWOWOWOW, right? I couldn’t be more excited to take you wild sluts to space. Get ready to make everyone on Insta so f’ing jelly.

Now for the deets. I think we should all leave on the same Blue Origin flight, which shouldn’t be too tough if you guys all have Amazon Prime. We already cut Andrea for her stupid Android in the groupchat, so don’t think for one second we won’t leave you behind if you don’t have Prime.

There’s a flight out of Orlando that only connects through Europa, which is pretty annoying, but it’s probably the cheapest option. Well, besides stopping over at the International Space Station, because their food court is bootleg.

We wanted to make sure this would be affordable for everyone, so we’re going to stay at the Courtyard Saturn, instead of going for the JW Marriott. But I figure if some people want to spend more, they can book suites, and others can go splitsies.

The nice thing about Saturn, besides the lack of gravity (which means we’ll all be skinny minis), is that we won’t have to deal with visa issues or any COVID shit.

It will be summer there, so that means pool parties during the day. Full disclosure, it will be a heated indoor pool because the temps are going to be in the negative one hundreds. Regardless, you’ve got six months to get into bikini shape, and also to prepare your bodies to withstand the G-force of leaving Earth’s atmosphere.

Either way, get that ass on a treadmill, YESTERDAY!!!

I definitely want to take a day trip out to Saturn’s vineyards and do a wine tour. I heard once you get to Saturn, everything is supercheap because it’s still not very developed for tourists, since the terraforming is about 90 percent done. Marybeth- I SWEAR if you bring those penis straws you might make some alien’s head explode. 😉

So ideally, we could do pool parties one day, wine tour another, and that leaves a third day where we could rent mopeds or ATVs. OH ACTUALLY LETS DO A PEDDLE-ROVER where you can drink and steer your own way. I read that the Jenners did that for Kendall. Totally legit!

Quick random q: do we want to get spacesuits with Sarah’s face on them? Maybe something like her face and then “Let’s get saTURNed up”? Just spitballing!

I don’t want to be too planned out but also, like, we should have something down. I’ll make sure everything is refundable and we can decide on the flight.

Another thing we should all probably prioritize is talking to our bosses and seeing if we can get clear out about 3 weeks of work. I know it’s only 4 days, but Saturn is 828.51 million miles away, literally. Sucks to be middle seat!

But in all seriousness, if all you can afford is a middle seat, we’ll figure something out. I really don’t want money to be an issue for anyone. We all remember Mallorca… Let’s keep all the drama on Earth!

Let me know where you are emotionally and spiritually with all of this and we can get to booking it all. Talk to you golden girlies soon.



Josh Bard

Josh Bard is a guy. A sports guy, an ideas guy, a wise guy, a funny guy, a Boston guy, and sometimes THAT guy. Never been a Guy Fieri guy, though.

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