Customer Stereotype: Gym rat
Fear it plays on: Smelling bad when you work out (*cough* all the time cuz you LIVE at the gym, BRO!)
Thoughts on women: Women are an afterthought. The gym is all that matters. Only men in this commercial. Men and working out. Gotta do those suicides, pack in your push ups, and never skip leg day. Gotta sweat, sweat, sweat. And not the nice flowery sweat that you wish you gave off. Smelly sweat. Stinky sweat. Guy-at-the-office-is-gross-and-needs-to shower-more-sweat. Don’t forget how bad you smell. Buy Degree.
Customer Stereotype: Cheap-ass good-for-nothing
Fear it plays on: You know you need to buy this stuff, right?
Thoughts on women: They’re gonna like you if wear SOMETHING. We can’t remember why you need to wear this stuff, but everyone says it’s important. Especially the half of the population with vaginas. So just trust us. Wear Speed Stick. We don’t cost much!
Customer Stereotype: Guy who peaked in high school
Fear it plays on: Not getting laid because you don’t have THE SCENT
Thoughts on women: Women flock to a man based on his scent. The woman is young. On a subway, she sees some guy who’s running late and has no dress sense. He’s our hero. He dashes to catch the train. Valiant like a knight, except he wears cargo pants. He pushes himself into the crowded car, forcing his essence on them, the air of scented socks in a locker room. She smiles at him, wanting to see if those socks smell better in her bedroom. Wear Axe. Get some!
Customer Stereotype: Married man whose wife buys his deodorant for him
Fear it plays on: Being stupid and forgetful
Thoughts on women: He remembers that he once thought about women, the opposite sex, long ago, before he was married. Something about their feminine wiles fascinated him. What was it? He can’t remember. He’s earning money. Has kids. Doesn’t think much, now that a woman takes care of him. Wear Dove. It’s already in your medicine cabinet.
Customer Stereotype: Donald Trump, Jr.
Fear it plays on: Not smelling rich enough
Thoughts on women: A rich, well-dressed woman wanders lost through a mansion, searching by scent for her love. She takes effort, but will put in effort for the right man. She wants a clever and classy man but is willing to risk it all on someone who doesn’t make any sense. Someone willing to be totally incomprehensible. She never finds her man, goes insane. But that’s to be expected. After all, she was a woman. Get Old Spice. Smell like a country club, for just $3.99.
Customer Stereotype: Women are strong decision-makers
Fear it plays on: Not being strong enough
Thoughts on men: Why are they still in charge? Seriously. Why?