Let’s ignore the placement of the preposition in favor of a simpler, more conversational question.
Seriously. Everybody’s got something that makes them a sucker. We asked our staff to tell us the things they can’t help but love. The things they can’t live without. The things that make them total and complete suckers. What’s yours?
I’m a sucker for “clever” and “edgy” t-shirts. I have one that says Make America Mexico Again (which resulted in someone telling me to go back to my country); I used to have one for St. Patrick’s Day that said “Fuck You, You’re Irish.” I’ve got one with a picture of George Washington and a quote from some treaty that says “The United States is in no sense founded upon the Christian doctrine.” There is also my “I need a hug shirt” that appears to be some weird promotional shirt from a stock broker, that wear anytime I do an organized run, like a 5K.
I like to let my clothing do the heavy lifting of weeding out people who don’t understand my sense of humor.
I am an unabashed sucker for a bon mot: a witticism, a turn of phase, even a pun well-done are all enough to earn my approval. Language is one of the things that makes us uniquely human, and if you’re good enough to use it as both a tool and a toy then you are worthy of major props in my book.
I’m a major sucker for a good addiction memoir. My minor was in substance abuse and addiction because I’m fascinated by the psychological and physical effects of drug use, and I love reading firsthand accounts. I still support A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. Who cares if he fudged some of the details—I doubt any published memoir is 100 percent accurate, and most of those people don’t have brains addled by drug use! It’s still a great story, as are most addiction memoirs. When I hear about a good one, I pounce. I guess you could say I’m addicted to addiction!
I’m a sucker for any and all kinds of electronics: phones, computers, iPads, Samsung tablets, robotic fish, you name it. My house is a wasteland of miniature drones (and one large drone) that I buy on impulse at the store the way others buy Tic Tacs. I once replaced my MacBook Pro with a new MacBook Pro, identical in every single respect to the former, simply because it had been a couple years since I’d made a large electronic purchase. And yes, I once bought an AquabotTM, filled an old 30-gallon aquarium, and set the robotic fish loose to do its thing—though within 20 minutes I could no longer stand the clickety-clacking of its fins, and so it went the way of so many abandoned drones. And despite this every time I’m at Target, I have an inner battle with myself about picking up another one.
Nail polish and sunglasses. Well, a recovering sucker I suppose. You see my friends, it’s not the 99 cent Wet n’ Wild polish that gets me. It’s the at least $7.99 OPI Laquer and Essie Polishes that I fancy. I apply this same logic to sunglasses, so help me God. I am proud that I bought and still have my first pair of buy 2 for $22 Aldo shades from Coachella last year. I don’t think I’ve spent that little on shades since high school. In my defense, I paint my own nails religiously and can’t tolerate a shabby manicure. The money I don’t spend in the salon goes to my collection (I secretly think it’s the clever polish names that keep me coming back). My shades, I’ve only ever misplaced one pair and I’m pretty sure they were stolen, they too get plenty of wear year round, snow can be worst than the sun. So I’m proudly a sucker for hand-enhancing or eye- protecting investments.
Me? I’m a sucker for white girls with dreadlocks. JUST KIDDING NO ONE IS
But seriously, I love point guards. I can’t get enough of ball-handling shorties with too much confidence. Their impossibly targeted peripheral vision. Their crisp chest passes. The way they run their mouths and into traffic before dishing. At least 25 percent of my rationale for picking my college was that I wanted to watch more of Steve Blake, an unabashedly unattractive dude who also took the Terps to two Final Fours on his way to a title. I can’t help it. His handle nice.
I’ma sucker for cornrows and manicured toes, Fendi capri pants and Parasucos. Passadity city with one or two throws. I’m dropping outta high school, straight into the pros.
I am a complete sucker for movies with trailers that feature an eeeeeeerie cover of a famous song. Bonus points if the song is being sung by a creepy chorus of kids and double bonus points if the song is not one that children should know. One of the best examples is the cover of Radiohead’s “Creep” used in The Social Network trailer. San Andreas poignantly used a haunting “California Dreamin” cover for their action/disaster movie a few years ago. Even a movie I have never heard of or would ever see has me captivated by the way they use “I Wanna be Sedated.” When they did it with the player-piano in Westworld, it was the only part I found fun.
Maybe they are a bit sappy or too on the nose. Perhaps they don’t even heighten my desire to see the movie, but dang do they leave a lasting impression. MORE PLEASE!
I’m a sucker for Harry Potter. There’s just nothing like it in my life and I care more about the story and characters than I do any other I’ve ever read. I know it inside and out and will not rest until I’ve chimed in on every discussion happening about it. Just the other day, this progressive meme account posted a tweet someone wrote about how J.K. Rowling not writing Dumbledore as explicitly gay “in the movie” (don’t even get me started) was a peak example of why we need to “continue questioning allies,” and I pretty much lost it, going on about Dumbledore’s sexuality is intrinsically part of him and not the oversexualized defining factor of his character the way most authors write gay characters, and that J.K. should be lauded not only for all she’s done for us as an ally, but also for writing a gay character who is more dimensional than explicitly “gay.” I could go on forever… because if it’s HP, I can’t help myself.
I am a sucker for shows that are a combination of police procedural and something else. Plain old procedurals bore me—I’ve never seen an episode of the OG Law and Order or something like Blue Bloods. I need something else to sweeten the pot: I’ve nicknamed these shows “Procedural-Plus.” The X-Files is “what if a cop show, BUT ALIENS.” Supernatural is “what if a cop show, but demons/angels/urban legends/monsters?” Once Upon a Time is “what if a cop show, but set in a world where Disney owned fairy tales are real?” And believe you me, I am definitely going to be watching ABC’s Deception, which is “what if a magician…solved crimes?” I enjoy the case-by-case format of a procedural, but I need a little something else to pique my interest: the Procedural-Plus.
I am but a cog in the machine that is capitalism, and as such I am a complete and total sucker for merch. If I am at a movie screening/concert/festival/Broadway show and there is a t-shirt/sweatshirt/mug/poster, I am most certainly buying that shit. My rationale, such as it is, is that I’ve already paid X amount of money to be at said event, so I may as well continue to treat myself and get something to commemorate the occasion! But it’s more than that: It’s the idea of having something limited edition or special, of being a part of the group of people who also saw that tour or went to this screening that I can’t help but find appealing, like having the secret password to get into a special club. And it’s the idea of being so enamored of something, an artist or a film or a play, that I can own a piece of it and display my love to the world.
Who has two thumbs and a preference for one of them? This girl. Hi, I’m Jillian; I write with my right hand but have a thing for lefties.
There is a perfectly logical explanation for my affinity. As a lifelong softball player, there are two significant advantages that come from batting left-handed. The first is reaction time. Southpaws have a microsecond more to process an incoming pitch, which, in a game that’s very much dictated by split-second decisions, matters big league. Left-handers also are better positioned to run to first base, starting a half step closer AND having their momentum carry them in that direction.
So there’s softball. There’s also a widely-held belief that lefties may be more creative than their right-handed counterparts. Given the choice between “more creative” and “not more creative,” which would you choose?!
Indeed, there are “reasons” that may explain why I’m a sucker for lefties, which were reverse-engineered to mask my superficiality. The truth of the matter? I just think it looks hot.
If the shoe fits, I say buy it! I am a complete sucker for shoes, and I don’t mean the sensible kind. If I enter a department store, it’s like they’re calling me. The floral prints, the most outrageous of colors, the glitter… from suede knee-high boots to strappy denim espadrilles. These babies need a home where they will be worn, not hidden in a box under the bed and forgotten. Each morning, the question is not simply what to wear, but actually what will match the shoes I have strategically chosen to wear today! They have a language of their own, represent my mood, call others to engage with me. If I get an “I love your shoes” from a random passerby, my mission is complete.