That’s right, I said it. Taco Bell, where the meat is only 88 percent meat. The restaurant that hides its corporate personality behind “Mexican architecture” and stucco walls. The place that pipes guacamole from a tube.
I know my Mexican foodie street cred might go down after this, but that just makes the stakes even higher. For the truth, I am willing to risk my good name.
If you asked me a few months ago what I thought of Taco Bell, I’d probably give you the side eye and ignore your stupid question. I hadn’t even considered Taco Bell for a meal in years, let alone step foot in one. But then I started working the late shift at ESPN in Bristol, Connecticut where restaurants close before the local teens get too feisty.
At first I was hesitant to go, but it was 2:30 A.M. on a Tuesday. I had just closed a shift, and my stomach was grumbling. I scoured my brain, my phone, these streets for options but with all these damn food allergies, I didn’t really have much of a choice. Unlike most fast food places, Taco Bell is a gluten free person’s dream. Most things can be put in a hard shell taco and voila, instantly MK-friendly. Other bonus, nothing is cooked in peanut oil (looking at you Chick-Fil-A).
You won’t be disappointed that way. Three hard shell tacos and three mild sauce packets. Each taco gets one packet of sauce, or if you’re feeling a little OCD, administer one squeeze of sauce per bite—I do it both ways, so no judgment over here. Then, it’s time to feast.
It is GLORIOUS. The simplest ingredients make up this taco—shell, meat, lettuce, cheese, and just a light sprinkling of corporate values—yet it tastes like the most savory late night magic you ever tasted (while sober at 3 A.M., driving through America’s most average suburban frontier). The sauce just adds another layer of flavor that makes your tastebuds leap and bound with every bite.
There is not another place that provides the options Taco Bell does (except maybe Cook Out, but that doesn’t count because Cook Out isn’t everywhere—@ me with your arguments, you’ll lose). Most places, you’re forced to choose between a burger or chicken fingers/nuggets. At Taco Bell, you have burritos, tacos, nachos, quesadillas, crunchwraps, and beyond. Personally, I stick to the tacos, but you have plenty of options.
So really, nothing can compare or even give Taco Bell a run for its money. The late night choice is easy: Taco Bell is the spot.