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Welcome to The Prompt’s own weekly NFL Power Rankings, where we rank all of the things that matter. We apologize in advance for any jokes that offend your sensibility or analysis that offends your favorite team. All pictures from this article are presented (however poorly) by the authority of The Prompt and may not be reproduced or retransmitted in any form, and the accounts and descriptions of this Microsoft Paint artwork may not be disseminated without express written content.

Editor’s Note: Mike did not take his Patriots suspension well. As a form of protest he is refusing to write complete sentences and instead submitted only memes for this week’s rankings. Enjoy, I guess.

1. Bill Belichick

2. San Francisco 49ers

3. John Bosa’s Sperm

4. Indianapolis Colts

5. Gardner Minshew

6. Every Previous Browns Coach

7. Kirk Cousins

8. Dalvin Cook Fantasy Owners

9. Unemployed Kickers in the Chicago Area

10. Jason Garrett

Also Receiving Votes: 

Mike Stiriti

Mike Stiriti once dreamed of anchoring SportsCenter back when that was a thing. Now he just tries to be funny.

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