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“The puzzle was one piece short, Your Honor. A simple mistake, perhaps, but one which has seriously, grievously hurt my client Mr. Jared Symmons. That is why he is suing the Tender Loving Puzzle Company for $64 million dollars.

“On May 3rd, as Mr. Symmons gazed down upon the Hollywood hills and a sign that erroneously read HOLIYWOOD. One jigsaw piece away from the second L and perfection. Yet the piece was nowhere to be found. Mr. Symmons has always been a person of extreme organization and was blindsided by his potential lapse in orderliness.

“At first, my client tore up his puzzle room in search of the missing piece.

“First he searched the carpeted floor around the table. Then, he tore up the carpeting in a mad frenzy. For this, he is seeking financial damages. After that, he moved to the couch emptying the cushions, both removing them from the couch. He then escalated to tearing out the fillings. Admittedly, it is hard to imagine the missing piece inside a couch cushion, but that was the level of mental duressMr. Symmons was feeling at this point. For this, he is also seeking financial damages.

“Without finding the piece or the solution to his problem, Mr. Symmons called his father, Joseph, to come help him. Joseph Symmons is 77 years old and was not prepared for the rigor in which his son demanded he join the hunt.

“Quickly, Joseph Symmons tired of the effort and grew frustrated with his son. In an ensuing argument, Joseph Symmons turned over the puzzle table and kicked the accompanying chairs. Jared, angry at his father, pushed him and Joseph slipped on the scattered puzzle pieces. On his way down to a section of uncarpeted floor, Joseph tumbled over an upturned chair, and ended up with a fractured wrist. Jared, understandably, ended up with a diagnosed psychological complex (Exhibit A).

“In the 43-year relationship between Joseph and his son Jared, the two have never had a physical altercation, until Tender Loving Puzzle Company came into their lives. For this, my client is seeking financial damages for medical fees and extreme emotional damages.

“After all the fruitless searching, Mr. Jared Symmons contacted the Tender Loving Puzzle Company by phone, where an employee explained there had been a production mistake with the “Hollywood Hills” puzzle.

“Many boxes accidentally included only 749 of the advertised 750 pieces. Problem solved, right?

“Well, the Tender Loving Puzzle Company would have you believe a replacement puzzle or simple refund would be a fair compensation for Mr. Symmon’s dilemma. We find that offer lacking, and frankly demeaning.

“Over the course of this trial, we hope to prove that Tender Loving Puzzle Company is liable for every consequential devastation in Mr. Symmons’s life from May 3rd until May 7th. If a space shuttle or The Brooklyn Bridge is missing a piece, the consequences are obviously catastrophic, and Mr. Symmons’s experience demonstrates that a jigsaw puzzle is no different.

“Though my client hasn’t been able to sleep normally for months, the prosecution rests.”

Josh Bard

Josh Bard is a guy. A sports guy, an ideas guy, a wise guy, a funny guy, a Boston guy, and sometimes THAT guy. Never been a Guy Fieri guy, though.

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