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Zack rocks a bald head. Like, rocks it. Kills it. Looks better with it because it’s become a big part of his whole vibe. And besides, how many regular-ass brown-haired dudes do we really need on this planet? I choose Zack.

You know Zack. You’ve seen him. He’s the guy, big dancing in the middle of a circle he created, just radiating love in every direction from the beacon of light that is his round, bald dome.

I’ve seen Zack build instant brotherhood with other bald dudes, giving them a warm welcome whenever they enter the room as if to say “when you’re here, you’re family.” He’s like the Olive Garden, only with less salad, fewer breadsticks, and no correlation to the national obesity epidemic.

Zack keeps it tight, rubs it for good luck, and never looks back. A total fucking #powerbald. And when combined with his unexpectedly dreamy yellow-green eyes and deep knowledge of your R&B catalog, you suddenly realize that Zack is kind of your type. How ’bout that?

Zack’s take on being bald.

1. In your own words, how would you describe your hair?

Absent, non-existent, extinct. A safe neighborhood (cul de sac).

2. How old were you when you realized you were losing your hair?


3. How did you feel about it at first?


4. In general, how do you feel about your hair now?


Like I said, total #powerbald.

5. How did you decide how to shave your head?

When I went to a baseball game at Yankee Stadium, one of my friends took a video of me. When I watched it later on, I realized things were definitely not looking good up there. Time to take action.

6. When was your hair at its best, and why?

When I was 3 years old I had a great flowing mullet.

Not 3 year-old Zack, but still pretty cute.

7. When was your hair at its worst, and why?

When it began receding, I decided to go with a comb-over to try and hide the fact that I was balding. Newsflash: It didn’t work.

8. How often do you shave your head? Who does it?

Every day or every other day.

Me, myself, and I.

9. How often do you rub your head?

Consciously, pretty often. Subconsciously, probably constantly.

10. What, do you think, are some of the reasons you rub it?

It feels great. Or maybe I’m hoping it may help it grow. But mostly, I’m probably rubbing without realizing it.

11. How does your hair affect your personality or sense of identity?

Being bald is definitely something that I like to make fun of myself for. I don’t mind laughing at myself a bit because it adds to my already strong sense of humor.

12. How do you think your hair impacts how other people see you?

After a nice clean shave, people notice my head because of how it shines. And being bald is surprisingly helpful when meeting ladies. It makes everyone a bit more approachable when you’ve got such an easy icebreaker.

13. When you see another bald guy, how does it impact how you interact with him?

I like to look at it as we are in the same fraternity/club. When Jeep owners see other Jeep owners, they honk their horn at each other. I find myself immediately conversing with fellow bald men.

For more of The Story of Your Hair, check out what’s going on with JaredSarahSaniJillianRupa, or Josh. And check back all this week to see more of this multi-part series.

Kelaine Conochan

The editor-in-chief of this magazine, who should, in all honesty, be a gym teacher. Don’t sleep on your plucky kid sister.

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