Let’s be honest, America. No matter what your beliefs, your leanings, or your predispositions, 2017 sucked for you. It sucked for Democrats. It sucked for Republicans. It even sucked for Donald Trump. It pretty much sucked for everyone who isn’t Taylor Swift.
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I love you guys so much. This was a photo @paul_sidoti took at @capitalofficial Jingle Bell Ball in London a few days ago. I couldn’t have asked for a better year, all thanks to you. Thanks for all the birthday wishes. Can’t wait to see what 28 will be like. See you on tour 😄
But we can make it better next year if we think and act positively! Trump hasn’t even been in office for a full year. Don’t you dare forget who we are. We’re America, damnit! We solve our own problems! We invented the T-Mobile Sidekick! We were the first country to fake the moon landing! But since Trump cut NASA’s budget, looks like we’re gonna have to solve things here.
Here are eight resolutions we can all work towards in order to make 2018 better than this California wildfire of a year that 2017 was.
Maybe we need to take fewer cues from our elected officials, but 2017 was a banner year for meanness and emphasizing our differences. We aren’t going to solve all the world’s problems in a mere 365 days, but if we focussed a little more on lifting each other up and emphasizing what we have in common, 2018 would show a marked improvement.
That means no more using words like “snowflake” or “triggered” unless you are or describing the plots of The Shining or Frozen. Different things make each of us upset, so unless you are immune to boredom induced psychosis and sibling rivalry, let’s not go throwing rocks.
Every single one of us, save Lin-Manuel Miranda, can be better, can do more, in 2018. We can be more caring or more helpful or more involved in our own successes, instead of hoping we get lucky. Having purpose is linked with greater happiness and living longer. So don’t sit around and settle for mediocrity. Try!
We get it, you like Narcos because it’s like leaving the country without leaving your living room! We get it, Stranger Things 2 makes you feel like a kid again. You may not remember, but when you were actually a kid, you went outside and did stuff. The good news: now you’re an adult and you can do so many more things. In 2018 we must get off the couch more often and be the main characters of our own stories!
Luckily for us, most Hollywood stars are making it easier to quit consuming media by removing themselves from the equation, by removing their careers from our lives. House of Cards without Kevin Spacey, Louie without Louis C.K. are good catalysts 2018 binge doing!
Speaking of which…
I suggested this back in August but now is a more appropriate time to campaign for it.
Try something new and scary in 2018. Maybe it’s a class. Or a vacation somewhere off the beaten path. A new hobby or doubling down on your current hobby. Maybe it’s—just spitballing here—submitting your first piece to The Prompt. Set a lofty goal and then attack it with the passion it demands.
If you are someone who needs more specific directions pick one of these three:
If you go through the entire year not doing anything that scares you, what’s the point?
There are millions of businesses in the world and luckily many of them provide redundant goods or services. Figure out the companies that you do not support morally and stop supporting them financially. It used to be hard to avoid places like Papa Johns or Wells Fargo, but not anymore. Unless you immediately thought of Amtrak, because there isn’t much of a way around them. Fuck Amtrak.
I didn’t think it would be necessary to write this one down, but maybe I overestimated literally everything. But in 2018, let’s try to not include any recipes in our public OR private apologies.
Pizza Dough Cinnamon Rolls may be an acceptable hybrid product, but recipolgies are not, and will not be tolerated going forwards. We could all use to be a little more heartfelt and introspective, especially when we hurt others, so in the next year, let’s use all of our apology efforts on the objective of making those who we’ve hurt understand that we regret and have learned from our mistakes. Also, and not unrelatedly, throw all your fucking crocs away by January 1.
OK here’s another one. And again, I didn’t think I would need to say this but apparently thousands of men missed this lesson on their way to Privilege Town.
Need I elaborate?
No one ever regretted being more informed! Overwhelmed by the choices at a bookstore or inky fingers you’ll get from print journalism? Ask a friend or an acquaintance for a recommendation. Bonus points if its not someone you normally agree with. Double bonus points if you tell them about The Prompt in return.