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Dear Valued YouTube Subscriber,

Thank you for your continued loyalty and commitment to the YouTube community.

As stated and agreed upon in our Terms of Service (you remember when you checked that box, right?), we believe now is the perfect time to enact the Comment Accountability feature.

Despite seemingly popular belief, the comments one makes on our website are actually read by other humans. This is the inspiration behind our newest feature. The Comment Accountability Department has recently undergone rapid and substantial technological advances, mostly due to the fact that the expert personnel have had some extra free time since the outbreak of COVID-19.

Allow us to elaborate: We have developed the very first quantum particle transportation device tested and passed by the FCC. We see no better way to utilize such technology than to start implementing the User Comment Accountability Section in accordance with our Terms of Service User Agreement.

What do you need to do?

Nothing. The great thing about the system is that it is completely autonomous.

Sometime in the near future, you will be contacted by a YouTube representative who will transport you, through the magic of teleportation, to the location of a fellow YouTuber with whom you have engaged via our Comments Section. You will then be required to share your comment with the YouTuber in person, to their face.

We believe that this honesty and candor will improve the authenticity of our community, so we encourage you to say the comment in the same manner in which you intended to type it in, to avoid “redos.” Might as well say your comments with the same pride you so carefully typed them in the first place.

And then what?

The user who posted the video will then have 4 seconds to respond to you in any way they wish (good, bad, or indifferent). At that point, you’ll be promptly teleported back to your life.

In our beta tests, we have seen a wide range of actions taken between users so far. Everything from a big meaningful hug to a poke in the eye to a hearty slap in the face (unfortunately, this is the most common). Occasionally, but rarely, depending on the comment, we have seen a few outlier responses.

We at YouTube value the community you have worked so hard to establish with us, and we look forward to seeing everyone be held to the same responsibility for their words in the online world as in the real world. The User Comment Accountability Section brings us just one step closer to the authenticity for which we’re all striving.

Thanks for your continued support,

The YouTube Team

Billy Hafferty

Billy Hafferty is probably still hanging out of the passenger side of his best friend's ride trying to holler at you.

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