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  • A robot that could pour cereal for me
  • A robot that could removes staples from stapled pieces of paper for me
  • A robot that could change the TV channels for me
  • A robot that could make my bed
  • A robot that could make love to my wife
  • A robot that could check my fridge and make a complete list of what I need to get at the store
  • A robot that could drive me to and from work
  • A robot that could pick up my daughter from soccer practice
  • A robot that could watch my daughter’s soccer games
  • A robot that could kick my daughter’s soccer coach Rick in the nuts
  • A robot that could determine if Rick is sleeping with my wife
  • A robot that could pack my suitcase for me
  • A robot that could vacuum the floor this exists
  • A robot that could organize my closet
  • A robot that could monitor the security of my lockbox in the back of my closet
  • A robot that could deliver a small shock to anybody who touches my lockbox (a smaller shock if the person touching my lockbox is my wife, and a lethal shock if the person touching my lockbox is Rick)
  • A robot that could transform into a plane (or I guess starts as a plane and just stays a plane)
  • A robot that is plane
  • A robot that could take my bags and my lockbox up to a secret bungalow in Fiji
  • A robot that could take pictures of me on the beach and send them to my wife and Rick
  • A robot that could write apologetic letters to my daughter for leaving without saying anything (in the letter it could also mention to my daughter that daddy won’t be able to see her soccer games anymore)
  • A robot that could read my daughter’s return letter back to me and write back saying that daddy had to leave. “Life hits you fast. If you don’t stop and look around every once in awhile you might miss it.”
  • A robot that could scan my letters for Ferris Bueller’s Day Off references and double-check their accuracy
  • A robot that could high five
  • A robot that could make robots
  • A robot that could make me happy this exists
Jay Kasten

A writer, actor, and director living in Los Angeles just waiting for anybody to let him do those things.

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