Prompt Images

We at The Prompt are getting started early in celebrating Mother’s Day. And what better way to celebrate moms everywhere than with our own collection of recipes on how to be a mom. Fresh from the oven—come and get it!

Slow-Cooked Motherhood

Submitted by Elijah Sloan

INGREDIENTS:

  • Woman
  • Kid(s)
  • Season to taste

Mix ingredients well, until woman and kids are indistinguishable, and she depends upon them for a personal identity.

Knead well! Until worn so thin she almost breaks!

Cook in a pressure cooker under EXTREME DAILY PRESSURE for 20 to 60 years.

“Stick a fork in me, I’m done,” she’ll joke at the end of every long, exhausting day. Really though—make sure to do this so you know when the mom is actually done.

Cover and save for later. Put in a cabinet or fridge. Gradually let it be moved farther and farther back, until you barely think about the mom at all. Make a mental note to get around to seeing her, and forget each time.

Repurpose as dog treats! Getting a dog won’t fill the void the kids have left, but waste not, want not!

Homework Crumble Pie

Submitted by Kelaine Conochan

INGREDIENTS:

  • ½ tank of gas
  • 1 full station wagon
  • 1 child, hungry
  • ½ c “meanness” (see recipe on page 34)
  • ½ c encouragement
  • ½ c patience
  • 1 social studies assignment
  • 1 chair

FOR CRUST
Add gas to station wagon, then drive to basketball practice.
Open station wagon door and gently guide child inside.
Drive 5-8 minutes, careful not to scramble contents.
Set aside.

FOR FILLING
Remove child from station wagon and place in a chair with social studies assignment.
Sift together meanness, encouragement, and patience.
Fold dry ingredient mixture into child until no lumps remain. The child may make cracking or whining sounds, but this is normal.
Put in oven for 90 minutes or until social studies assignment is complete.
Hug in the center to test doneness. When child comes out clean, remove from oven and let cool. Serve at room temperature.

Tantrum Stew

Submitted by Melissa Wyatt

Serving Size: 1 Mom
Prep Time: Up to 9 months
Total Time: 3-5 Years

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 cup unconditional love
  • 1 cup patience
  • 1 cup multitasking
  • 1 cup worry
  • ½ cup creativity
  • ½ cup discipline
  • ½ cup understanding
  • 1 TBSP anger (optional)
  • 1 cup mommy meltdowns (reserve on side)
  • 1 pair of arms
  • 1 bottle of wine (quantity debatable)

DIRECTIONS:
Pre-chill wine in wine/standard refrigerator. At birth, insert child into arms and add a full cup of unconditional love. After first sleepless night, insert ¼ cup of patience. Add ¼ cup worry. Combine the two with multitasking to make it through your first week as a new mom. Add a ¼ cup patience. Add ¼ cup worry. Insert a large portion of mommy meltdown (which can be resolved by some time locked in a quiet room away from your little one, your partner, your mother and anyone else hovering around your house during this emotional time!).

Continue to slowly add ¼ cup understanding as their tiny senses develop at alarming rates and they turn into little people with their own personalities over the first year. Add ¼ cup patience. Add ¼ cup worry. As the first year passes, slowly add ¼ cup creativity to keep them occupied and out of danger now that they are on the move and exploring every inch of space they can get into. Add ¼ cup patience. Add ¼ cup worry.

As you move into the Terrible Twos, combine the remainder of creativity and understanding with ¼ cup discipline. Once you hit Threenager/potty training years, insert the remainder of discipline and additional patience and worry as needed (it magically refills itself once you think you are completely out). If necessary, add in 1 TBSP anger so they know you are serious. Finish with 1 pair of arms wrapped around your child so they know you are their protector and home and the only person they can call mom.

CHEF SUGGESTIONS:
Throughout the process, divide the cup of mommy meltdowns as you feel necessary and add in the appropriate amount needed to move on. Additionally, feel free to add a glass of wine whenever necessary to advance to the next step in the recipe. When first bottle of wine runs out, continue to replace with fresh bottles until recipe is complete…and even after.

Mamasagna

Submitted by Jessica Dunton Fidalgo

INGREDIENTS:

  • Humor
  • Willingness to forgo personal hygiene
  • Strong gag reflex
  • Unconditional Love

DIRECTIONS:

In a bottomless fire-proof pan layer your ingredients. 
Use your judgement as to proper amounts and additional ingredients. You will have to improvise.

Get it as baked as you can. Sprinkle liberally with patience. Serve, serve, serve. Keep serving.

Chillaxed Saturday Morning Mom

Submitted by Monica McNutt

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 Quiet House 
  • 1 Sleeping family
  • 1 Chill Pet 
  • ½ c Love 
  • ½ c Accomplishment 
  • ½ c Exhaustion 
  • 2 c Cartoons and or toys with which children can self-entertain 
  • 1 c Household chores

DIRECTIONS:

Allow Mom to marinate in all of her exhausted, accomplished, glory for about 2 hours. Do not disturb.

When the family wakes up, entertain yourself and then do your chores; she will look on with love.

Enjoy thoroughly. The fresh, rejuvenating qualities of this recipe will probably only last until about 1 P.M. Sunday.


Like one of ours or want to submit your own recipe? Tweet us or comment on Facebook. Stay tuned for more Mother’s Day content tomorrow or catch up on yesterday’s. AND DON’T FORGET TO SEND YOUR MOTHER A CARD.

The Prompt Staff

learn more
Share this story
About The Prompt
A sweet, sweet collective of writers, artists, podcasters, and other creatives. Sound like fun?
Learn more