What emoji needs a makeover header
Let’s not get distracted by the new melting face or heart hands emojis (which, don’t get me wrong, totally 🤘😝🤘 ). But there are some classic emojis that just don’t convey the specific emotion we need. Which brings up the topic of our latest miniprompt: what emoji needs a makeover?
“You really are right about giving them a nice end to life. It’s big of you to see it that way,” I wrote to my friend Ben, after he put down his second elderly cat inside of two weeks. I punctuated it with this happy asshole 🤗 What choice did I have, really? The uncanny valley twins? 🫂
The hug emoji, AKA smiling face with open hands, hemorrhages toxic positivity. It’s 2022; have you heard of this thing called empathy? It’s when you try to match the energy of the person you’re embracing.
Lemme guess the next words out of your mouth, Pollyanna: “well, at least…” or “everything happens for a reason”? You make me sick.
Okay, maybe something got lost in translation here, but that’s a good argument for not including text at all. What I see is a two-way direction arrow, combined with the word ON—in all caps—with an exclamation point. Does this mean something goes on and on in both directions? And we’re REALLY excited about it! Am I supposed to choose which direction? Because I’m confused. Really confused. And I’m experiencing a confusion paralysis, somewhere on that continuum, that’s leaving me unable to go 🔛
As much as us older folks like to get in on what is cool and hip, like the way those “young people” use emojis, the fact remains our eyesight is not as good. When my 51-year old eyes scroll through and I see 😶🌫️, I think “Here’s a dude that is shaving.” Nope. That is “Face in clouds,” showing a cloudy state of mind, confusion, or even bliss.
Cloudy thoughts? Change the eyes. Confused? Add some furrowed eyebrows. Bliss? Close those eyes. Source of the clouds relevant? Bloodshot eyes. As for shaving? This comes up 🪒, which looks like a hammer, which is 🔨, which could be a vampire, which is 🧛🏼♂️… and now I’m really confused.
Apple new exactly what it was doing when it released this 🤤 onto the world.
Why not just have it auto correct to this 🍆🤤.
Because I can tell you…that’s what is implied. At least for gay men.
Happy Pride! Hope you get to drool on an eggplant!
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