Prompt Images
Look around. It’s chaos. It’s madness. It’s war and injustice and a lot of reasons to be truly and rationally angry right now. But let’s not even go there in a miniprompt, because how could you possibly? But let’s get in touch with that anger emotion on a level closer to the surface.
What’s the dumbest thing that makes you irrationally rage-filled?
Devin Householder
I just start talking, and the other person talks right through me on something unrelated (I don’t matter).
TV remote batteries fail the day after I insert new ones (My efforts are futile).
Someone cuts me off on the highway by literally driving right over me (My small car suggests I’m insignificant).
My earbuds with wires (remember those?) get caught on something making my head jerk around (I’m at the random mercy of a heckling universe).
Inanimate objects around me collude to deny me any satisfaction of accomplishment (They actually have meetings about this).
Jay Heltzer
Clearly I have earbuds in, and you have something to say. Only I don’t realize it because my back is to you, and I am wearing earbuds. Plus I’m bouncing my head rhythmically to the righteous grooves coursing through my aforementioned earbuds. See them? Those black and bulbous growths contrasting against my pinkish ears. Oh, you didn’t see them from the side, so now you’re facing me, and I can see you’re moving your lips, only that’s all I notice because I’m wearing earbuds. My arms are covered in frothy dish soap bubbles, I’m headbanging in the kitchen, singing along with my favorite Mastodon song, and you’re apparently talking to me while within my ears are sound producing, metal music thrashing, blocking out the rest of the world so I can get some dishes done EARBUDS!
Natalie Brandt
Set it on the porch. Stop looking at that button. Flee like Boo Radley lives here. Do not ring my doorbell! If you do, the dogs will all bark and scramble to the door and will not cease their demonic cacophony until you’re miles away. Seriously, what package do you have that needs my attention so badly that you must ring a bell? Am I your servant? This is my house, my day, my time, and due to a pandemic, it’s also now my office. Don’t touch my goddamn doorbell.
Sarah Razner
As I choose my exercise video each morning, I am only looking for a few things: enough cardio to make me feel okay about eating ice cream later; to not to think I’m going to die of a heart attack before the clock strikes 6 A.M.; and for the instructor to count reps/seconds accurately. Actually, let’s forget the first two, because when I’m sweat-drenched mid-workout, I’m not thinking about ice cream or my possible impending death. Oh, no, no. How could I when Diane, or Jeff, or whoever it is has told me that I have five seconds left in this move, but that was clearly 20 seconds ago?! I don’t need to hear about how good the burn feels when I’m fully aware my thighs are on fire. What I need is for you to stop talking and tell me how many actual seconds I have left, okay?!!! Okay.
Jillian Conochan
It’s one of those rare circumstances where we’re on the phone. Maybe we’ve run out of things to say. Maybe you have to go. You, politely in your mind; unforgivably in mine, say, “Well, lemme let you go—”
You’re gonna let me go? Let ME go? How bout I let YOU go, bitch?
Please, don’t take your need to end this call and pin it on me. I assure you, it’s perfectly fine for you to want or need to hang up here.
If you’d rather, just make a bunch of static sounds and hang up on me; I’d prefer it.
Eric Mochnacz
Just one? Have we met? I have lots of suppressed rage about STUPID THINGS…
1) Green Chat Bubbles. Get an iPhone.
2) First Annual. Not a thing. It’s Inaugural.
3) The show is called Squid Game. Not Squid GameS.
4) In 2022, we’re still wearing masks under our noses. Do you only wear a condom on the bottom half of your penis? Is that effective for you?
5) “I don’t have Venmo.” Then, I don’t plan on paying you back.
6) Walnuts in brownies. Thanks for ruining dessert.
7) The fact that Nick Lachey keeps getting work. Can we please stop hiring him as a TV host, America?! He has the personality of a wet dish rag.
8) Restaurants that use Papyrus font in their marketing.
9) People who don’t follow directions. Like providing a list of things that annoy them, rather than just one thing. 😉
Mikael Johnson
I don’t care that you didn’t use your blinker.
I don’t care you cut me off.
I don’t care that your hearing doesn’t pick up car horns.
What I CARE about is seeing your dumb face.
I have to see it.
I care that much.
How much?
That I’m gonna skip my right turn, add 15 minutes to my trip, so I can get in the next lane at the light and stare over at your dumb face.
I’m too busy to be doing this!
Not like you—out on a Sunday drive at rush hour on a Tuesday.
Here we go. You ready?
Let’s do this.
There it IS!! There’s that stupid face!
As stupid as—
And you’re telling me now, “I’m sorry!”
Emphatically.
No, it’s fine! Totally okay!
DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I hope you can read lips because
I’M AN ASSHOLE!
Look at my stupid face!
Josh Bard
I don’t care if you’re on a train, a sidewalk, at a restaurant, or anywhere that isn’t inside the 4 walls that you sleep in… you are not allowed to use speakerphone here. And I know those aren’t technically the rules, but that’s only because Congress is too self-important to deal with everyday things that would help 97% of the people. We have made incredible progress on earbuds and headphones, and that is ignoring the age old way to use a telephone, putting it up to your dumb ear. I would renovate Alcatraz solely to put every speakerphone user there for one year, no parole. And if you’re wondering about the people who commit worse atrocities… and use Facetime aloud in public, that’s why we have Guantanamo.
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