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Are you looking for a way to shed pounds and keep them off? Have you tried all the various “fad” diets with poor results? That was me, seven-and-a-half years ago. I’d tried everything to lose weight. Weight Watchers, Slim Fast. Hell, I even signed up for one-on-one personal training sessions with Tae Bo creator Billy Blanks at my local Planet Fitness.

Did any of these programs work? Sure, at first. But no matter how much weight I’d lose initially, and no matter how much encouragement I’d receive from Billy, I’d always gain it back within a few months.

Then I discovered the Jubilee Plan.

It’s the only weight loss plan that combines the science of intermittent fasting with the biblical principles of Jubilee. The result? On the Jubilee Plan you can eat as much as you want of whatever you want for a whole year! After that you simply have to fast for another 6 years before taking another bite again.

How did I discover the Jubilee Plan? Right place, right time. Namely, the locker room at Planet Fitness just as Billy Blanks was telling another client about the new dietary program he’d developed with former Theranos founder—and dietary supplement enthusiast—Elizabeth Holmes.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

Isn’t six years a long time to go without eating? 

Actually, isn’t it physically impossible? 

Don’t people starve to death within a week or two?

Trust me, I had all these same questions. The answer is that, technically, you can survive for years without eating food, as long as you have the right mindset. Also, a patented concoction of 237 drugs that are administered anally three times a day (what we on the plan call our “Jubilee Juice”).

If you are skeptical, consider me as (barely) living proof. Seven-and-a-half years ago, I clocked in at 200 pounds—about 40 pounds heavier than I’d been in high school. I decided to commit to the Jubilee Plan by putting my money where my mouth is, since I wouldn’t be needing my mouth anymore. Within the first year alone I lost 80 pounds (and the $80,000 I spent on the Jubilee Juice, but I’m not complaining!).

Of course there have been some ups and downs.

I lost consciousness and fell into a deep coma for much of years 3 to 5. Luckily, I had trusted confidants to continue administering the Jubilee Juice! Also, in full disclosure, it took more than 5 years to lose the last 12 pounds. And, in fuller disclosure, my doctor said most of that weight was actually bone mass. But I can tell you it was more than worth it to be able to slip into a pair of jeans I hadn’t worn since I was five.

Now for some folks, going 6 years without eating a single piece of food, anally-supplied nutrients or not, is just not an option. Thankfully, the plan is very adaptable to your particular lifestyle. Some people have seen great results while fasting for as little as four-and-a-half years! (Billy says you shouldn’t try fasting for fewer than 4 years, as that’s the minimum amount of time it takes for your metabolism to stop processing food altogether.)

At the end of the day, choosing a weight loss plan is ultimately about what works for you.

Personally, I can’t imagine going back to a plan that requires me to “count calories” or “watch my portions.” I just don’t have that kind of willpower. With the Jubilee Plan, I don’t have to think about what I can eat or when or how much. The only thing I ever have to think about is the gnawing hunger that spreads like a cancer into every fucking cell of my body, except for the 30 minutes a day that I’m receiving my blissful anal injections.

Jesse Stone

Jesse B. Stone loves science and writing. Apologies if you were looking for the "Jesse Stone" played by Tom Selleck in the CBS movies.

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