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It’s just a checkup! Honey, you’re not getting a shot.

It’s against the law to drive with that light on; you can read when we get there.

It’ll make you fat.

It’ll make you thin.

Your face will freeze.

No one ever gets caught.

You’ll smash your head open.

We’d need a fenced-in yard.

It’ll give you varicose veins.

He’s doing that because he likes you.

People from that country eat dogs.

We can’t afford that.

I do like her.

It’s not because he’s a boy, he’s just a better student.

Jump up and down right after, like immediately after—and it won’t happen.

I like your blue mascara.

That’s the worst thing you can ever do to a guy.

You’re crazy.

You’re fat.

You’re paranoid.

There is nothing else like this for frizz.

We’ll just cuddle.

There’s no cure, only prevention.

It won’t hurt.

You’ll just know.

You’re not supposed to pluck there.

This was your fault.

That’s how everybody does it.

Nobody’s ever done it that way.

The soup is really filling, though, you won’t get too hungry.

You can’t.

It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change.

It’ll cause autism.

It’ll cause birth trauma.

It’s genetic.

We discussed this already.

It’ll bounce back.

It’s not spicy-spicy.

It might not have happened if you’d been more careful.

You barely notice it.

You’re overreacting.

It’s no trouble.

I don’t have a favorite.

You’ll get used to it.

He’s missing out.

You can’t miss it.

I didn’t say that.

We agreed.

Justice was served.

You have to work within the system.

You’ll never get a man that way.

You’d be surprised what you learn to put up with.

This is the best we can do.

You’ll understand someday.

Jessica Dunton Fidalgo

Jessica is a former stage actor who now has a real paycheck, health care and 2 strapping Yankee kiddoes. She’s lived in NYC, Chicago, and DC but prefers a Maine crabcake above any other.

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