So you’ve been lying to your boyfriend/fiancé/husband/best friend/co-worker/the internet about having seen a single Star Wars. I understand. Twelve months ago I was you.
Though, I swear I once saw 20 minutes of the first one (which is apparently the fourth one?). But I oddly I remember things they say happen in the third one (which is apparently the sixth one?). This all would have gone unquestioned, but they had to go and make a seventh one (which is, in fact, the seventh one?), which my husband talked about essentially every day of 2015. After months of changing the subject, I finally broke down and confessed. It wasn’t pretty. Someone said, “Wish I’d known that before we got married.” And so I spent the last few weeks of 2015 watching all three of the original Star Wars films (AKA the ones that matter, though my husband is still wavering on whether I might have to watch the third one AKA the fifth one. Stay tuned).
I watched, I learned, I loved, and then I experienced The Force Awakens like the kind of person who posts a special Instagram on May 4th every year (Get it? Of course you don’t. You lied about seeing Star Wars). I had become one of them.
Maybe you avoided my fate last year. Maybe you wiggled around the truth just brilliantly enough to convince the Star Wars freak in your life that you were part of the club. Maybe you saw Awakens in theaters and still kept your secret hidden. Well done, liar. You’ve got Trump level skills (j/k yours are obviously better).
But now you are at risk again. Star Wars is back with its first ever spin-off film: Rogue One. Of course, you know that because your boyfriend/fiancé/husband/best friend/co-worker/the internet has been talking about it since the first trailer hit the world wide web. I recommend you come clean because morality is at an all-time low lately, and every confession counts. But considering we’re all trying to follow-through on our resolutions this time of year, I’m willing to do you a solid.
Here is my custom collection Star Wars Cliff’s Notes. You’ll find plot and character summaries for A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Return Of The Jedi, and The Force Awakens.
I’m not posting Rogue One until after the holidays because the least you can do is see this masterpiece in theaters with the love to whom you’ve been bold-faced lying for years. But, you be you, boo.