Subject: Automatic Reply: Slow to Respond until Spring 1778
Thank you for your message. I will be out of the office at a mandatory offsite retreat in Valley Forge, PA until mid-June, 1778. Please note that during this period I will have limited access to email, shelter, clothing, food, and medicine, and so may be delayed in responding. For urgent matters, please contact email@example.com.
Date: 1194 BC
Subject: Out of Office: Horse Monument Dedication
Greetings, and thanks for your note! I will be away from my desk this afternoon to attend a dedication ceremony for a new monument to commemorate our recent victory over the Greeks. This grand equine statue will be wheeled into the city as a testament to the hard work that all of YOU, our dedicated warriors and staff members, have put into our winning efforts over the past several fiscal years, and I am honored to be able to personally unveil it at its new location in beautiful downtown Troy.
Will get back to you soonest upon my return to the office tomorrow morning : )
All the best,
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together!” — Proverb
I will be attending the National Nihilism Association’s annual conference in Las Vegas, NV this week. During this time, my internet access will be unknown and indeed unknowable, and as such my correspondence will be largely an abyss. Rest assured that your message is completely meaningless to me, and I may or may not attend to it upon my return. For all urgent matters during my absence, please consider the impossibility of urgency in a world in which God is already dead; alternately, send a text message.
Date: 1312 BC
Subject: On Work Travel
Greetings. I will be on a work trip to the Wilderness for the next 40 years, with only intermittent access to email. Most concerns can likely be addressed through my recently-published FAQs, “The 10 Commandments,” otherwise, please consult your nearest burning bush until my return.
**Thank you for considering environment before instructing your scribe to scroll this message.**
Date: Idus Martiae
Subject: Automatic Reply: Team-Building Workshop
Thanks for your message! On March 15th, I will be at a full day team-building session (theme: Conflict Resolution in the Workplace) with my Senate colleagues. Note that most of the office leadership including Senators Casca, Cimber, and Brutus will be attending the workshop and will therefore also be away from their workstations during this time.
Please contact firstname.lastname@example.org for any issues that need immediate attention. I look forward to getting back to your message on the 16th!