Tailgaters rise early, dressed much fancier than normal as they fire up their grills. A nervous but excited feeling lives in the gut of those who are near the stadium as thousands of admirers wander the grounds, awaiting the historic event of a lifetime.
A giant, golden crown hangs above the anxious crowd. Celebrated knights- Brett and Jackson, Quisenberry and White- wave to the privileged guests. Saint Ventura looks down from above as the guests sing out together: “But we’ll never be Royal…”- the Royal venue, known to locals as “The K,” for a second becomes the House of Lordes.
And oh was she wrong, because today, EVERYONE gets to be Royal. At least for a small moment.
The guests take their seats as the organist warms up. Commoners outstretch an English flag in center field as Prince William arises from the home dugout. Following the national anthem, he is escorted to the mound and delivers the ceremonial first pitch to the beloved Salvador Perez. The show can now begin.
America’s national pastime meets the world’s international obsession over a royal couple’s celebration. If the royal wedding team had to play an away game, it’d most definitely be in the most royal place the MLB has to offer, Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City, Missouri, the home of America’s royal family: the Kansas City Royals.
The umpire walks up to the plate (funny how they have officiants in both baseball and weddings huh? It’s like they think marriage is just a game or something) and yells “Play Ball!” The PA announcer licks his lips and begins:
“Good afternoon and welcome to Kauffman Stadium for today’s match up between the English Royal family’s Prince Harry of Wales and the Markle family’s Meghan of Los Angeles.”
The music starts to pick up as Prince Harry emerges from the home dugout, stopping at the top of the dugout steps to remove his crown and wave to the fans like a Derek Jeter curtain call.
He steps into the batter’s box and looks up to a full house waving white rally towels. The organist lets the “Let’s go Ha-rry” chants die down into an echo before he starts again, this time with the Bridal Chorus.
A tear fills Harry’s eye as he spots his bride-to-be, appearing about 350 feet away through the gate of the home bullpen. Escorted by her mother, Meghan begins her trek to home plate with the entire Royals bullpen following her to carry the train of her dress.
When she finally reaches home plate, the umpire begins the ceremony, calling out the couple’s vows like he’d call out ball or strike any other day. But this isn’t any other day.
The couple says “I do” and the ump grants them their first kiss as husband and wife. On the biggest call of his life, he receives no “boos” as the crowd erupts once more in celebration, while Joe Buck broadcasts the matrimony to the TV audience:
A combination of bridesmaids and groomsmen pour celebratory blue Gatorade on the newlyweds as fireworks light the outfield sky. Queen Elizabeth, bearing ski goggles, tomorrow’s front page and a celebratory t-shirt and hat, pops a bottle of champagne into the midst of a Royal dogpile. Fans sing, shout and celebrate well into the night. “Call in sick tomorrow,” they cheer, “because tonight we are Royalty!”