Today is cancelled.
My very own “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” adventure.
But instead of Angela Bassett, me.
And instead of Jamaica, Mexico.
And instead of Taye Diggs, Gael Garcia Bernal. Or both.
And instead of sexual canoodling, shirtless beach soccer.
Homo Deus by Yuval Harari is one of those books I should read at the 0.1 percent I get invited to an intellectual cocktail party. Or in case Gael brings it up.
If jobs are fictional constructs invented by corporations, and
corporations are fictional constructs, then
my “career” is a fictional construct, and
I’m going to the unemployment office to fund my cordless cliff jump into a canyon of nihilism.
Oh hey, ZipRecruiter lets you apply to millions of jobs with one click.
Any company starting with “Zip” should not be trusted.
LinkedIn is my new religion. Simon Sinek is my new Jesus, and Jesus wants me to “find my why.”
Unclear if Jesus wants me to answer why I wake up in the morning or why I’m gassy today, but I’m fairly certain the answer to both is peanut butter.
Well, I’ve found my why not.
Future, retirement-age Jared has mandated that all meals will now consist only of sardines and Saltines and cost no more than $1.21.
Future, retirement-age Jared is exposed as a genocidal maniac as sea lions starve due to widespread sardine shortages.
Reheating day-old Chipotle in a microwave is actually the answer to the “why I’m gassy” question.
Lo siento mucho, Gael.
You want to know how super-intelligent cyborgs might treat ordinary flesh-and-blood humans? Better start by investigating how humans treat their less intelligent animal cousins.
Best case scenario for the year 2028: Jay Z domesticates me as his pet blood donor.
Worst case scenario for the year 2028: Peter Thiel domesticates me as his pet blood donor.
Oooohhhh Mexico, I’ve never really been so I don’t really know.
When cars replaced the horse-drawn carriage, we didn’t upgrade horses – we retired them. Perhaps it is time to do the same with Homo sapiens.
…((staring at a wall))
OMG I GOT AN INTERVIEW TO SELL SOFTWARE TO THE BUSINESSES.