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Day 1: Getting turnt.

Fun.
Em.
Ployment.
Leggo.

Day 2: Being hungover.

Today is cancelled.

Day 3: Planning a trip.

My very own “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” adventure.

But instead of Angela Bassett, me.

And instead of Jamaica, Mexico.

And instead of Taye Diggs, Gael Garcia Bernal. Or both.

And instead of sexual canoodling, shirtless beach soccer.

Day 4: Reading Homo Deus.

Homo Deus by Yuval Harari is one of those books I should read at the 0.1 percent I get invited to an intellectual cocktail party. Or in case Gael brings it up.

Day 5: Contemplating life.

If jobs are fictional constructs invented by corporations, and

corporations are fictional constructs, then

my “career” is a fictional construct, and

I’m going to the unemployment office to fund my cordless cliff jump into a canyon of nihilism.

Day 6: Getting distracted.

Oh hey, ZipRecruiter lets you apply to millions of jobs with one click.

Day 7: Getting spammed.

Any company starting with “Zip” should not be trusted.

Day 8: Scrolling aimlessly.

LinkedIn is my new religion. Simon Sinek is my new Jesus, and Jesus wants me to “find my why.”

Day 9: Finding my “why.”

Unclear if Jesus wants me to answer why I wake up in the morning or why I’m gassy today, but I’m fairly certain the answer to both is peanut butter.

Day 10: Committing blasphemy.

Well, I’ve found my why not.

Day 11: Cutting costs.

Future, retirement-age Jared has mandated that all meals will now consist only of sardines and Saltines and cost no more than $1.21.

Day 12: Crying in line at Chipotle.

Future, retirement-age Jared is exposed as a genocidal maniac as sea lions starve due to widespread sardine shortages.

Day 13: Finding a “why.”

Reheating day-old Chipotle in a microwave is actually the answer to the “why I’m gassy” question.

Day 14: Panic-cancelling Mexico plans.

Lo siento mucho, Gael.

Day 15: Reading Homo Deus.

You want to know how super-intelligent cyborgs might treat ordinary flesh-and-blood humans? Better start by investigating how humans treat their less intelligent animal cousins.

Day 16: Weighing my options.

Best case scenario for the year 2028: Jay Z domesticates me as his pet blood donor.

Worst case scenario for the year 2028: Peter Thiel domesticates me as his pet blood donor.

Day 17: Singing in line at Chipotle.

Oooohhhh Mexico, I’ve never really been so I don’t really know.

Day 18: Reading Homo Deus.

When cars replaced the horse-drawn carriage, we didn’t upgrade horses – we retired them. Perhaps it is time to do the same with Homo sapiens.

Day 19: Considering the void.

It’s inevitable…

Day 20: …

((staring at a wall))

Day 21: Being desperate.

OMG I GOT AN INTERVIEW TO SELL SOFTWARE TO THE BUSINESSES.

Jared Hutchinson

Jared Hutchinson thanks you for letting him be Mice Elf for once.

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