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A dimension filled with my missing clothes.

A dimension where we are all slightly taller because Earth has weaker gravity.

A dimension of infinite grammatical complexity.

A dimension where Taco Bell survives the Franchise Wars.

A dimension made possible by viewers like you.

A dimension with really loose morals.

A dimension where Mumble Rap is Tumble Rap, and many rappers are excellent gymnasts.

A dimension that’s quantifiably shittier than all the other dimensions, so for the greater good, everyone living in the non-shitty dimensions agrees to use it as a trash dump.

A dimension where time is actually a flat circle.

A dimension where human knees bend the other way and we all hop like kangaroos.

A dimension that’s exactly like The Dark Crystal, only I’m not scared of it.

A dimension where people don’t care that I don’t watch RuPaul’s Drag Race.

A dimension where Jesse Stone and I are married, even if it means I’m a woman, I guess.

A dimension where I can remember all the words to all songs, especially Turn the Beat Around, or at least more than the part about rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tatting on the drums.

A dimension glowing with pride.

A dimension riddled with plot holes.

A dimension who owes me child support.

A dimension with a Kickstarter page.

A dimension of swords.

A dimension where couples are required to provide examples of appropriate outfits for the aesthetic of their weddings, instead of just saying “fancy casual.”

A dimension where all you fucks finally understand that DS9 is better than TNG.

A dimension where everyone knows what I’ve been up to.

A dimension where we all get three do-overs.

A dimension where I understand how dimensions work.

Dimension X.

Zach Straus

Zach Straus peaked at 15 and is mostly held together by masking tape.

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