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The Ancient Greek art of rhetoric drew upon logos, pathos, and ethos to craft an argument. Speakers would appeal to their audience’s collective sense of reason and logic, their emotional connection, and their own credibility in the public square to convince people of their point of view.

But the Ancient Greeks didn’t have social media.

I’m not really that smart. I definitely don’t have a lot of time. What I have instead is a lot of confidence that I know a lot more than you do. Which is why I’m going to tell you all about why you’re totally wrong to be mad about That Guy Who Said That Thing Online The Other Day.

First of all, That Guy was totally taken out of context when He Said What He Said. Just shut up and listen to everything he was saying. Maybe then even you could understand why it’s wrong to attack him for What He Said when that was only a small part of it.

Everyone I know agrees with That Guy anyway. You’re like the only person who doesn’t agree with That Guy and What He Said about That Thing, so why should anyone listen to you?

Plus, so what if That Guy said That Thing? What about you, haven’t you ever Said Something? Also I heard That Other Guy who you talk about a lot Said Something Else That One Time. So look who’s talking now.

Anyway now that I think about it, it’s actually kind of weird that you’re mad about what That Guy Said.

All real _ (fill-in-the-blank)_s think That Thing too. And also you’re an idiot. How many books have you written? That Guy has written five books all about What He Knows About That Thing. You have written zero books about anything.

Or is just that you can’t handle the truth? You don’t like That Guy so much that you are willing to completely ignore That Thing, even if it kills you. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. Thank goodness That Guy has the courage to Go Online With The Truth About The Thing even if people like you don’t deserve to hear it.

Oh, wait, I get it. You just want to be the one in charge of what People Can Say. First you declare that People Like Him can’t say Things Like That, then what? Suddenly Entire Groups of People can’t talk about Those Other Things, is that it? You make me sick.

In conclusion, I hope I’ve given you ample reason to reconsider your stance on That Thing, at least if you don’t want to be horribly wrong about everything and also a complete asshole.

Scott Snowman

Scott Snowman is an ISTJ with an MA, and is usually MIA or AFK IRL. Interrobang him and win a prize.

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