Hey guys! Dennis William, AKA DWilly, AKA the Craigslist Whisperer, AKA the Craigswhisperer, back with another quick tutorial to help you absolutely crush it on Craigslist.
Everyone knows hotties are out there waiting to be swept off their feet. But fellas (don’t worry, ladies, I’ve got some tips for you, but we all know that it’s really the man’s job to make the first move in the Jiffy Lube waiting area) sometimes you don’t come up with the perfect line or nerve until after the moment has passed and you’re safely back at home behind your computer, where the real world cannot harm you.
That’s why yer boy, Dion, is gonna help you write the perfect Craigslist Missed Connex. The key is specificity. Psych! Sure, identifying details will help you narrow down the audience of your message, but they also have the drawback of eliminating potential mates. Obviously, if you saw a smokeshow in the frozen side dish aisle, then you want her to see your proclamation of lust. However, if a different brickhouse sees your post, you don’t want to destroy any chance that she might mistake herself as the object of your erection. I mean affection. (Psych!)
Here are some examples of Missed Connection posts. From least vague to most vague. Which means least effective to most effective.
You were in line wearing a lavender2 hoodie. You ordered in front of me (I loved the view3) and it was a lot of food, probably 4 your family or a party. We stood kind of near each other while we waited for our orders, and I thought u were checking me out4. I smiled at you. Should have gone over to talk to you or offered to help you carry your food out to your car.
1 First mistake. A&W has less than 1,200 locations nationwide. Say Fast Food or Burger Place. That way, if some tasty piece at a Hardee’s sees this, she’ll reach out.
2 Just say purple. Who do you think you are, Jack London?
4 Don’t say “I thought you were checking me out.” It introduces doubt into the situation. Declare that she was checking you out. Because she probably was and now she knows that she should totally write you back.
You were in my blind spot when I was changing lanes. I was in an Alien 2 Green Kia Soul and you were in a red Prius6 (typical chick car7, but you were still hot). After we were done rubbing paint8 we both pulled over. We briefly touched hands when swapping insurance info and I felt a little spark9. Maybe it was intentional on your part.
I knew that I should make a move, but by the time I realized it, you were already talking to the state trooper and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. You were extremely beautiful, even with your runny mascara. I’ve tried contacting you, but GEICO10 must not believe in love at first sight, since they won’t give me your phone number. Please message me.
5 I know that I-76 is a 400-mile stretch of highway across multiple states, but you’re still limiting your geographical reach. Just say it was a car accident. Even if you side-swiped a fly honey just to get her attention.
6 Way too specific.
7 Good neg.
8 Double entendre.
9 I get why you would want to add this detail; it’s super romantic. But what about all the ladies in fender benders who didn’t swap insurance info or didn’t make physical contact while doing so? You’ve just ensured that they won’t reach out to a potential paramore. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.
10 Another needless specific. In this case, just refer to it as “your insurance company.”
Was walking into the store on Wednesday12 when you almost backed into me. We made eye contact in your rearview mirror when you waved as an apology. We definitely had a moment as I noticed that you held eye contact for longer than normal13. You had stunning green14 eyes. Write me back with the color of the shirt I was wearing so I know it’s you.15
11 In this case, naming the business is still okay, because it’s Walmart. There are like a billion of them. You aren’t narrowing your pool significantly.
12 What about all the recklessly driving MILFs on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, etc.?
13 Notice the moment is asserted. Speak it into existence!!!!
14 This is the only misstep in an otherwise flawlessly non-specific post. I would just say stunning eyes to cover more bases, but otherwise a solid effort.
15 It should go without saying, but any response should be treated as correct.
Saw you at the parade. You were on a float16. I was in the crowd. Definitely caught a vibe.
16 Not much criticism to be found here. No identifying details about the sender, so any appealing spectator is in play. However, WNBA rosters are 12 players deep, plus staff. What if another fan was catching feelings? You’ve now told them that they were definitely not the object of your affection.
You were on the dance floor the other day18. You looked sexy as hell. I had a nice shirt on19. HMU if you want me to show you a good time20.
17 Acceptable naming of business. Like the radio commercial say, “Everyone goes to Paddy O’s.”
18 Excellent. Any girl, any day of the week is now caught in your net of romance.
19 At first glance, this seems like another case of TMI. But “nice shirt” is general enough that it’s up to target to decide what qualifies as “nice” or a “shirt.” This is the kind of empty detail you want to chum the waters of your post in order to catch your trophy fish.
20 Notice the intentional omission of any interaction. You could be someone she saw from across the room, someone she gave a friendly “hello” to at the bar, or someone she had a full on conversation with. She won’t know until after she emails you.
I was out shopping. We walked passed each other. You’re gorgeous and I could tell you were into me, but neither of us could stop to chat.21
21 Nailed it.
Now, ladies, yer boy, Dennytron didn’t forget about you. Here’s how you game the Missed Connection system. Just reply to every single post. Whoever posted it isn’t going to be that picky. Just be sure to be the one asking questions and let him fill in the deets of your meet cute. It helps to have a background in improv.
Okay, Craigslusters, once you’re done smashing your new found love/fling, don’t forget to smash that follow button for all of my updates. Subscribe to my newsletter, follow me on Twitter, Xanga, Insta, BingVideo, and Vimeo for all the best tips on how to ball out on CL.