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To the tune of “How Deep Is Your Love?” By The Bee Gees, here is… “How Gross Is Your Mug?”

 

A song rewrite about an old colleague that I still think about years later. Not because they were charming, but because they were disgusting.

 

I noticed that our cabinets were bare

You didn’t leave a mug ’cause you just don’t care

And as the dishes pile up in the sink

I see all these dark stains, and I stop to think

That you came to work from the grocery store

With a box of tea, and some trash bags too

But you throw your teabags into the sink

And now I can’t even look at you!

 

How gross is your mug?

 

How gross is your mug, how-gross-is-your-mug?

I don’t really mean to learn

And is it even dishwasher-safe?

What a disgrace

Weeks of coffee stains in it

Looks like you’ve been sippin’ shit

 

Na-na-na-na-naaa

 

I’d rather you just use our plastic

If you could spare my china, it would be fantastic

Everytime that I go near the kitchen

I’m so disgusted that it leaves me itchin’

In the break room they say you’re a celebrity

From the outstanding work that you always do

How is it I’m the only one who can see

That your mug looks like it’s been cleaned with poo?

 

How gross is your mug?

 

How gross is your mug, how-gross-is-your-mug?

I don’t really mean to learn

And is it even dishwasher safe?

What a disgrace

Weeks of coffee stains in it

Looks like you’ve been sipping shit

 

Na-na-na-na-naaa

Sydney Walters

Copywriter, fiction author and PR professional from D.C. who scribbles in answers on trivia night and shouts at her Playstation on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Sips hot tea or coffee from a Studio Ghibli mug. Paces while brainstorming. Conquers hot sauce.

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